Karma's a Bitch, Bitch.

     We've all had the conversation at some point. You are about to meet a friend of a friend. Maybe it's time to meet your new girlfriend's friends. Maybe it's the guy in the office that everyone knows but no one really likes.  No matter who it is...you know it's going to be an interesting conversation when it starts with, "I have to warn you about so and so...."  And then ends with the phrase, "But that's just how he/she is."

     I know a guy who, for all intents and purposes, has the functional capacity of a flat tire. He's not that bright....and definitely not to be trusted with any task that needs to be done correctly. He can't feed himself...or I should say he won't feed himself. He's married, and his wife has allowed this behavior for the entirety of their marriage.  He is also from another country, and uses his foreign-ness as an excuse much of the time.  Forget the fact that he's lived in the U.S. longer than I've been alive.  And when I ask why no one says anything to him about not being able to make himself lunch when he gets hungry, or complaining about all the foreigners where he lives, I'm told...."That's just how he is."

     There's a woman, in her late 60's, who is cynical, negative, and treats her husband like he has the functional capacity of a flat tire.  She ridicules him in public.  She is negative at every opportunity.  And she makes rather offensive generalizations, often about things she really has little real knowledge of. She has been around long enough to know better than to talk like that, or to treat people like crap and expect anything better in return. But she doesn't. And once again, when I ask why no one says anything to this person about how she talks to and about people, I'm told..."She doesn't mean anything by it.  That's just how she is."

     These people exist.  These people are out there.  And we are just letting them get away with being assholes because "that's just how they are"....?  It makes no sense.

     Then there's the friend who just "tells it how it is."  You know the one...they're the type that describes themselves as a straight shooter, or no nonsense, or as one who "calls it how they see it." They don't have a good thing to say about anyone. It's the friend who only seems content when there's drama happening around them. Frankly, I'm tired of people justifying their rude or nasty behavior or comments by saying, "I'm just a realist."

     No.
     You, Sir, are an asshole.

     There's so much negativity out there.  It's all around us.  It just floats in the air...in the universe.  And for whatever reason, we have gotten to the point where we just accept it.  It's OK for us to just let people "be that way."  And I, for one, am not sure why.  I like to think of myself as an eternal optimist.  I like to assume the best in people...sometimes to a fault.  I don't like to be negative ALL the time.  Don't get me wrong....I wouldn't say I'm all rainbows and unicorns all the time, either.  Trust me when I say I have my fair share of negativity.  I like to think I handle it well, though.  It's focused...aimed in the proper direction, if you will.  I'm negative to those who....deserve it.

    That said, I like to try to put the positive out there rather than the negative.  There's enough in this world trying to bring us down, I don't need to actively contribute to that.  Some call it the "Golden Rule," some call it Karma.  I just call it being decent human being.

     For those that fall into the Karma camp...and believe that what goes around comes around...that there is some higher power or force that is playing universal 'tit for tat'....remember, this shouldn't be used as an excuse either. Much like allowing someone to be a jerk just because 'that's how they are'... to revel or delight in another person's pain, and cheering on "Karma" for "giving them what they deserve" is just another way of being an asshole and justifying it with a cliched excuse.

     IF you believe in Karma...why would you put such negativity into the universe?

     "But, Sarge...I'm not putting negativity out there.  I'm just saying that they got what they deserved."

     Check it out, brain trust.  Karma, if you believe in that sort of thing...is ALWAYS watching.  To a universal power that controls when good or bad things happen to people, there is no rest.  Whatever bad thing that happened to that person that has you so delighted...was that person's Karma.  It was theirs to deal with for whatever bad ju ju they put out there.  What makes you think Karma is going to overlook the fact that you are just being a heartless person and finding pleasure in someone else's pain?  Nope...that's negativity...and if you buy into it, you'll have yours coming soon enough.

     Instead, how about you have an inkling of compassion in your heart and feel bad that something bad happened to another human being?  Did they deserve it?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who are you or I to say?

     I don't know if I buy into the whole Karma thing....especially when people only throw the phrase around when they are glad something bad happened to someone else.  What I DO believe in...is being a good person.  The Golden Rule isn't just an old adage...it's a real way to live!  Kindness begets kindness. We each CHOOSE how react to those in our lives...regardless of how they treat us or what they do to us.

     That friend who thrives on having drama around her...that woman who treats her husband like a lesser human in public....that man who won't function on his own...they all have chosen to live the way they do.  And if they have negativity in their lives, it's because they choose to have it there.  They respond to negativity with more negativity.  I can't change them. I can't make them be better people.  I can only be the best person I know how to be.  That's MY Karma...that's my attempt to bring good things to a negative world.

     I just think it's time to stop the excuses.  It's time to hold people accountable for the things they say.  It's not OK to 'just be that way.'  By letting people 'just be that way', we are just as guilty as saying the words ourselves.  It's OK to tell them they need to reel it in, or that it's not alright to 'just tell it like it is.'  Not at the expense of other people.  If you have to caveat the comment you are about to make with the phrase "No offense, but..."  It's probably better to just keep your mouth shut....because it's probably going to be offensive.

      And if you DO believe in Karma...perhaps the next time you hear someone say something unacceptable because they "tell it how it is"...think about how Karma feels about you allowing that.  The next time you get joy from someone else's pain because you think Karma came back around on them...remember that it's watching you too.   And while you are happy that something bad happened to someone else...just remember...

     Karma's a bitch, bitch.

 Sarge,
 Out

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

   

It was 1994.  A young man was preparing for his Senior Prom.  He was nervous and excited all at the same time.  He was excited because it was Senior Prom.  His girlfriend was....well, hell....he was just glad he HAD a girlfriend.  You see, he wasn't the most popular kid in the school.  He was kind of a misfit....got along with everyone, but didn't really fit into any particular clique.  And therein lies the reason for his nervousness.  While he wasn't afraid that something would go wrong...it was always hard to be part of an event when he never felt like he truly belonged.  In the end....it turned out to be a fun night.  He was glad he went, and he had a good time...and memories that will be with him for life.


     It was 2014.  A not so young man was getting ready for his 20 year High School reunion.  He was nervous and a bit excited all at the same time.  He was excited, because in the last 20 years he had come a long way in his life.  His life was...well, hell...he was just glad he was still alive at this point.  You see, he wasn't the most popular kid in the school.  He had been kind of a misfit....got along with everyone, but didn't fit into any particular clique.  And furthermore...he hadn't seen many of these people in 10-20 years.  While he wasn't afraid that something would go wrong...it was always hard to step into an event wondering if anyone would even remember who he was.  For a guy like him....going to a 20 year High School reunion was like that young  man in 1994 volunteering to be 'it' in dodge ball.

     Life is a strange thing.  When we graduate high school and prepare to enter the real world in one way or another, we all have visions and ideas of what our 'grown up' selves will be.  I would venture to say that not many of us get exactly what we had in mind.  I spent about a year and a half running through just about every crappy job an 18 year old just out of high school could have.  I joined the Army with the intention of 'doing my 4 years' and getting out.  I just 'needed to find some direction.'

     I retire from the Army in 16 months.
   
     So, clearly, I didn't live out the plan I had in mind.  At least not quite.  At some point in the last 20 years, I realized that the reason my life didn't quite turn out the way I imagined....is because I had no idea what I wanted my life to be.  And honestly, that's OK.  It took a long time to realize what I wanted to do with my life.  There were a lot of factors that came into play before, during and after that 'decision' was made.

     I once had dreams of being a Hollywood actor.  I joined the drama club in high school.  Granted, I did that just to impress a girl....but it was enough to make me realize I loved being creative.  The fact that I was a big nerd and had a ridiculously overactive imagination helped fuel that creativity.  I mean, what Dungeons and  Dragons geek hasn't written his own "Hobbit" in his own head...right?

     A friend of mine had a dream of being a marine biologist.  He had an almost unhealthy fascination with sharks.  He knew damn near everything there was to know about sharks.  I was sure he would be the next Cousteau.  I got in touch with him a few years back.  He works as an emergency response dispatcher.  Not quite the shark hunter he dreamed of...but he was good with it.  He likes what he does, and he was happy.  Isn't that all we really want in life....to be happy?

     And that's the key.  Being happy.  I walked into that reunion nervous as all hell.  I felt like that kid getting ready for prom all over again.  As soon as I walked in, I saw one of my friends from the drama club.  He and I laughed, and caught up...well, as much as you can catch up on the last 20 years in about 5 minutes of conversation.  But it was good to see JJ again.  That felt good....maybe it wasn't going to be so bad.  Then I made the rounds.  Table after table saw me...and I was greeted with smiles, handshakes, and hugs.

     I don't know, for sure, how many were genuine and how many were just being polite.  I could definitely tell a few were legitimately glad to see me and everyone else there.   That's just how they always have been.  So when Melissa jumped up from her seat and hugged me, I knew she wasn't just putting on a good show.  She was always one of the nicest people I knew.  And at this point in my life....good genuine people are what I need around me.

     There's a feeling you get when you see someone that you truly care about for the first time after what feels like a lifetime.  Things around you slow down and that moment lingers for a bit longer than time normally allows.  I found myself staring, almost in disbelief, as I made eye contact with two of my best friends from High School.  And best friend doesn't really describe what Selena and Renee were to me.  I was just reconnected with family!

     In school, there are the jocks...the band nerds...the drama geeks...the stoners...and, especially in MY school,  the rednecks.  I belonged to exactly none of those...but got along with almost all of them.  My "clique" was the misfits.  Yes, I was in drama club, but even there I still didn't feel like I fit. 

     My misfits, however...we fit.  We fit in with each other because we didn't fit anywhere else.  We leaned on each other  when times were hard. And for high school misfits, it felt like times were always hard.  My misfits looked past the bleached blond hair, mismatched shoes, and year round trench coat and saw...ME.  That's how it was. We just saw each other. 

     So 20 years later, that feeling was still there. It was like I was reunited with my long lost sisters.  It was amazing.  And while I was enjoying the feeling of catching up with old friends, something occurred to me.  

     It was in times like this that we see how far we've come.  

     I have traveled the world. I've been to war and come back a changed man.  I've seen horrors that haunt me still and always will. And I've seen sights so beautiful I have literally lost my breath to behold them.  But even after all that, it took going home to see how far I had come....how far everyone had come.

      We grow. We change. Priorities shift from being friends with the right group...simply so we fit in, to providing for our families and treasuring our truest friends. The ultra skinny cheerleader that wouldn't give the chubby kids the time of day, now finds family more important than a size zero waistline.  The "cool kid" who made fun of my weird hair and shoes, was genuinely interested in my plans for writing in the future.  The long haired saxophone player who was the life of the party....was still the long haired saxophone player who was the life of the party.  Some things just don't NEED to change!

     Granted, that asshole in high school who liked to scream "wooo!" for no apparent reason other than he liked his own voice...that guy still likes his own voice.  Too much.  I guess we don't ALL mature the same way, even the ones who need to the most.  And... That guy... is even more annoying 20 years later. 

     All in all, I was nervous for no reason. 20 years is a long time, and everyone grows...for the most part. True friends are going to be true friends no matter how much time passes.  Cliques fade as we grow.  If I could tell the 1994 me anything, it would be these two things...."Get to REALLY know her before you pop the question...and...relax. In the long run, everything's gonna be alright."

Sarge,

Out