Does anyone know what they really want?

     Alright, check it out....

      I sat down to write this entry, based on a single article I had read that really pissed me off.  Then I made the mistake of clicking a link to another article on the same website.  Click click....page loaded....Sarge reads....open the can....worms go everywhere.  So what you are reading now is the result of getting lost in a sea of the most ridiculous bullshit I think I have ever read in my life.

     Then I thought about it.  The problem is bigger than just one thing.  There are a lot of examples of this that cover a full spectrum of issues, but all share the some similar traits.  I was going to find them...and discuss them all right here today.

     I debated not even writing this article....because, as a journalist...I believe in freedom of speech.  As a Soldier, I fought for everyone's right to be a douche in an open forum.  So, to sit here and say that people shouldn't write what they want to write...almost seems hypocritical.  But the more I read, the more justified I feel in writing this article.  Every author I read on this rag of a website that initiated this rant...and all the others that I discovered after deciding to write it... have a right to their free speech.  However...that doesn't prevent me from exercising MY freedom of speech and calling out their general douche-baggery.

     It's not often that I read something online and have a legitimate emotional reaction.  For the most part, I will check out the funny videos or pictures that awesome sites like BoredPanda.com or Buzzworthy.com will publish.  Or, I'll read a somewhat uplifting post on Upworthy.com or some other site with a cause. Usually, anything 'offensive' is only mildly so and I attribute it to poor taste or equally poor education (in life...not necessarily in school), and it doesn't bother me much.  Then there are times that the interwebs remind me exactly how much there is in this world that can cause us to lose faith in humanity.

     So, no kidding, there I was...bored at work and clicking links to entertain myself.  I was neck deep in an online entertainment rabbit hole, when I clicked the link that would change my whole mood for the rest of the day.  And...I was subsequently online for the better part of the night trying desperately to find a redeeming point for the website that I stumbled across that day...to no avail.

     The title of the article I read is "5 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos and Piercings Are Broken."  I clicked the link, thinking I was going to get a lighthearted article listing goofy or funny reasons the author....(in my assumption before reading...likely a tattooed or pierced woman)...thought the title was true.

     I couldn't have been more wrong.

     There are a few sure fire ways to piss me off in just a few short moments.  Wear your sunglasses inside.  Park in a clearly marked 'No Parking' area because you are going to 'just run in for a second.'  Say words like 'irregardless' or 'suposebly.'  (While one of those is grammatically correct...it still sounds stupid.)  Another way to ensure I'm fired up when reading something....make a broad and absolute generalization.



     The article opened with just that...stating that 'No girl has ever...' and then followed it up with another one..."There's no man on Earth who's ever...."  
    
     First of all, Jack...how the hell do you know that "No girl has ever" ANYTHING?  You are immediately and irrevocably unqualified to make that statement based on the fact that you are in possession of a penis.  And again....to assume that you know that "No man on Earth..." well, that's not only arrogant, it's laughable.

     I had to continue reading.  This guy was a staff columnist for this website...which means at least one other person thinks his writing is worth something.  So I gave it a shot.

     He goes on to basically say that girls (he never refers to them as WOMEN) who get tattoos are mutilating themselves.  Blanket statement.  Within in the first paragraph, his credibility was shot...at least with me.  He says that no man  has ever thought a woman looked better with a tattoo or piercing.  I, for one, am a man.  And I, for one, happen to find a well placed tattoo, or a little nose piercing (or other piercings....just sayin') VERY sexy on a woman.  I also know for a fact, that I'm not alone in this thinking.

     That said...I had to keep reading because this guy wasn't writing about how body art detracts or enhances beauty.  He was claiming that ALL women who have tattoos or piercings are broken...mentally and emotionally.  I wanted to see why he thought so.

     After reading the article, I realized why this guy thought this way about ALL women with tattoos and piercings....actually (upon further reading I discovered), he felt this way about ALL women in general.  That reason is simple.

     He's a misogynistic asshole.

    The site was called Return Of Kings.  The site aims to promote the return of masculinity to men in America. The following is from the Return Of Kings website...this is what their page is all about:

     Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.
     ROK aims to usher the return of the masculine man in a world where masculinity is being increasingly punished and shamed in favor of creating an androgynous and politically-correct society that allows women to assert superiority and control over men. Sadly, yesterday’s masculinity is today’s misogyny. The site intends to be a safe space on the web for those men who don’t agree with the direction that Western culture is headed. Click here to send an email to the team. (link removed)

      Women and homosexuals are discouraged from commenting here.

     Did you get that?  "Women and Homosexuals are discouraged from coming here."   After further reading on the site, it is pretty evident that these "men" don't want anyone there that will threaten their masculinity.  And what's more threatening to a big manly homophobe than to be put in your place by a gay man?!?!

    While I don't see anything wrong with being a masculine man...AT ALL...I have problems with anyone who thinks one of the ways of doing that is to belittle women.  REAL Men know how to be masculine, and manly, and still respect women and treat them as they should be treated.  REAL men aren't afraid of Homosexuals.  There's nothing to fear.  Don't worry, it's not contagious...you can't "catch their gay."
 
    I was floored by articles with titles like: "Why you shouldn't care when she cries during a break up," "The three I's of getting laid," "How to get more sex with Alpha Douchebag Club Game" (I am NOT making this up....), "How to free yourself from the need for women" (let me guess....start a super douchey misogynistic and homophobic website?), and "Genetics guarantees that Feminism will lose."

     I have no idea how men still think this way in this day and age.  I will attribute this to my Mom and Dad doing something right and raising my brother and I to value ALL people equally.  But it's there...men still think this way.  And that made me rather sad to be a man.  I felt compelled to apologize for my gender.

     Then I realized....I have nothing to be sorry for.  I don't think this way.  I need to do something about it, though...and let people know that these ass clowns are out there.  And there are probably more like them!

    I wondered how much was out there on the web.  How much crap is available for consumption by the masses thanks to the broad distribution powers of the almighty Internet?  I began looking around at other examples of people who use terms like "all people of one certain group are..."

     I was not disappointed.

     As a matter of fact, by the time I had read just a couple of articles...I felt like I had to apologize just for being a middle aged white male.  (All of those are things I can't help...by the way.)  Again...I honestly found it shocking what people think in this day and age.  We are supposed to be the most educated we have been in history...and we probably are.  But there's some logic out there that I  just can't wrap my head around.

     But it wasn't just the misogynists that had my head spinning this time.

     I knew that there are some men who still have the mindset of a Neanderthal.  They are hard to be around and I can't carry on a conversation with them to save my life.  What I found interesting, was the female counterpart to the Neanderthal.

     Enter the Feminist.

     And why wouldn't there be Feminists when women have to live in a world where misogynistic Neanderthal assholes like the one I mentioned above are out there?  One could easily see why the movement formed.  But...like any other movement...extremism in any form isn't really a great thing.

     I read an article by a self proclaimed radical Feminist...or "RadFem."  The title itself had me fired up.  I sat there in horror as I read this RadFem explain that "All PIV is rape, OK?"  (PIV, for those that don't know...is Penis In Vagina sex...intercourse.)  Basically, she explained that sex is violence toward women and just another way that men keep women submissive.   Her logic leads her to the conclusion that all sex is rape, because no woman actually wants such a violent act done to her.

    Uh....wait, what?!?!?!?! 

    At one point in the article, she says that the vagina is for giving birth only.  Maybe my male mind isn't enlightened enough to grasp this...but if the vagina is for giving birth only, and ALL penetrative sex is rape...how does the baby get there in the first place?

    I was raised to understand and respect that "No means no."  I believe it and there is NO REASON EVER that a woman should be forced to have sex if she says no.  I have never had sex with a woman if she has told me no.  I HAVE had sex before...with a real live girl, even.  But, I have never raped anyone!!

    Just to make sure I wasn't being overly defensive on this one...I ran it by a female friend, just to get her perspective.  Her response?

     "That chick is nuts."

     Good...it's not just me.

     Now it makes more sense to me why celebrities like Katy Perry are quick to say they are not Feminists...even though they believe in the equality and empowerment of women.  (Which, pretty much is Feminism in it's most dumbed down form...for slower guys like myself.)  With extreme views like the RadFem above...I wouldn't want to be associated with a movement either, even if at its core...it's right.

    But this stuff is out there.   And anyone can read it.  I have a daughter.  She's at the stage where she and her friends are discovering their personalities and figuring out who they are in this world.  I also have a son, and he and his friends are in the same boat.  I do my best to parent by example and be the person...have the values, that I want my children to carry on into their adult lives.  I pray they never stumble across crap like these social extremists....but that's unrealistic.  So....when they do, I hope I've taught them enough that they question it, or simply see it for what it is...social extremism at its worst.

     Feminism is defined as the theory of the political, economical, and social equality of the sexes and/or organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.  While I like the first part of the definition better, simply because it leaves less up for interpretation, the fact is that Feminism is a real...legit movement.   It's the social extremists that make us afraid to label ourselves Masculine or Feminist. 

     I believe wholeheartedly in the equal treatment of women....politically, economically, and socially.  I believe that women are the better half of humanity and without them....men would have destroyed the human race long ago.  But I also believe that men should be allowed to be men.  That's not to say they should be allowed to be nasty animals and write it off as 'manly'....not at all.  But don't criticize a man for wanting the fast car, or shooting the big gun, or liking his steak rare...because he's a man. 

     With RadFems and mysoginists abounding on the internet....and the seeming HATE that they spew for the opposite gender, I wonder how they can promote equality when they can't even see it?  I started off wanting to think I could be considered a Feminist, because I do believe in equality.  But after my research...I think I have decided on a new label.

     I'm a HUMANIST. 

     I want all people to be treated equally...regardless of gender, or race (that's another article....already working on it), age, religion, sexual preferance, or any other factors.   I've read what the RadFems say.  I've read what Return of Kings spews.  One movement seeks the equal treatment of women.  The other wants to promote masculinity it men.  Neither of these things are bad.  Both can be done without demeaning the other gender.  Yet when I read what these people have to say, I can't help but wonder...
   
     .....Does anyone know what they really want?

Sarge,
Out

    

Thank God for Disney Villains

     So, there I was, sitting in my chair watching TV and eating my dinner.  The dog was sitting on the floor next to my throne, watching intently and waiting for the smallest of crumbs to fall within her eager reach.  I smiled as I watched Ickey Woods doing his celebratory dance for some cold cuts.  Then the screen changed and my attention was immediately drawn in to the images and the voice on the screen.  It was one of my favorite things...a MOVIE TRAILER!
 
     Anyone that's been to the movies with me knows that one of my favorite parts of actually going to the theater to see the movie....is the previews!  It's like you get four or five mini movies before the movie you are actually there to see.  And yes...I'm that guy who will tell the person I'm with, "That looks bad ass.  It's on the list."  I don't mind talking during the previews...they are not the movie.   I do believe there's a special hell for people that talk or use their cell phones during the actual movie.  It's a dark place, where they force you to watch re-runs of Cop Rock for all eternity.

   But, I digress...back to the topic at hand...  

     I was in my recliner and I was watching the trailer for Nightcrawler, with Jake Gyllenhaal and Renee Russo.  It was touted as  one of Gyllenhaal's most commanding and career defining performances.  The clips that they strung together for that trailer were great.  They did their job well.  I was interested.

Gyllenhaal gives a stunning performance, but the plot of Nightcrawler, left me in the dark.

     I decided to go see Nightcrawler in the theaters.  The trailer was right.  Gyllenhaal gave a powerful performance.  He was interesting to watch and at certain points, I almost felt for the character he played...regardless of how psycho he was.

     Unfortunately...that's where the praise ends. 

     I spent about two hours wondering when the conflict was going to happen.  What was the point to this movie?  I admit, it was intriguing...they hooked me with the strange character and brooding mood of the film.  But once I was hooked in...they failed to reel me in and keep me interested.

     There were moments in the movie that I wanted the story to circle back around to...that I wanted to see "what happened with that" later on.  It never happened.  I will try not to give anything away...but I have to say, the detective in the movie was so bad at her job that it crossed to the realm of unbelievable.  I'm sure there are inept cops out there....but you don't make movies about them. 

     Let's not forget about the stalking/sexual harassment issues that never seem to be fully addressed.  I mean...c'mon!  In this day and age, that plot point alone could have added so much to the story.  But...like much of the plot...it was somewhat glossed over.  Again...I questioned the writing.

     I left the theater disappointed to say the least.  I felt confused, and frustrated.  It was one of those, "Why did I pay to watch that?" kind of moments.  I have to say, I will never consider a movie very good if I walk out with more questions than I walked in with.    A strong character performance, and interesting cinematography are not enough to make up for an aimless plot full of holes and a weak story.

     I had hope though...that cinema wasn't dead.  And a couple weeks later, I went to see another film that seemed well reviewed.  Again, the trailers for it had me curious...for various reasons.  The classic murder mystery with what seemed like a unique twist (according to the trailers)...what's not to love?  So, I was off to see Gone Girl.

     I thought I would take the shot and see Ben Affleck perform in something OTHER than a Kevin Smith flick.  He did well.  As a matter of fact...compared to Nightcrawler, I felt like I was watching a Scorsese masterpiece.  That is, however...ONLY compared to Nightcrawler.  So Gone Girl kept me much more engaged.  I saw an actual story developing.  There were even points when I thought I had it figured out, just to have the story twist and throw me for a loop...questioning my arm chair detective skills.

A pretty good thriller with a twist ending.  The twist...no one liked the ending.

     However, there was a pretty distinct point in the film when I lost the intrigue and got frustrated.  Once again...plot holes started to develop and things started going down hill.  I feel like, where Nightcrawler tried to emphasize the odd character over plot, Gone Girl's mistake was trying to make the twist SO different that it lost the desired effect.  When it feels like the writers are trying too hard, that's when the magic of the movie is gone.  To be lost in the story requires my mind to accept what's happening...or at least be so enthralled that the implausible seems acceptable.

     Perhaps I was being too critical.  Perhaps I'm being too much of a movie snob about this.  But I asked around.  I wasn't the only one that felt that way.  Especially about Gone Girl.  The general consensus was that it was good...but no one liked the way it ended.  I completely agree.

     So I was losing faith in modern cinema.  I contemplated what may be going on.  Is Hollywood trying too hard to shock us?  Are they focusing on the bizarre and not the story itself?  Or are they trying to tell us a story that hasn't been told yet?  Either way...I feel like they are falling short.  For some time now, movies have been hit or miss...and there have been more misses than big hits! I was losing faith in the movies.

     They say that there is no such thing as an original story idea anymore.  I'm not sure I one hundred percent believe that.  But I DO agree that a truly original story is very RARE indeed.  The thing is, I don't have a problem with that.  My philosophy...when it comes to story telling....is not so much the story you tell, but HOW you tell it.  Sure, the idea that is being shared may be as old as stories themselves...but if it's told in a way that captures the imagination and loses the reader/viewer in the story itself...it's a good story.

     And that's what I look for.  I've heard war stories...we've all heard war stories.  But when Saving Private Ryan came out, the world was amazed...because of how that war story was told.  I recently saw Fury, with Brad Pitt...and I feel the same.  This was a well told war story.  I am sure I could relate, having been through the darkness of war myself.  I liked how they focused on the Tank Crew as a family....dysfunctional as they may be...they were a family.  I left the theater feeling like I saw a GOOD, well told story.

Based on a true story, Fury takes you to some dark places in war, with some solidly portrayed stock characters.

     I thought about it, though.  That was a true story (as many war movies are).  So of course it's going to be a bit more solid in the sense of plot and what not.  Character development is often times glossed over in these stories.  I would say that was generally the case in Fury as well.  The characters we meet in the beginning of the movie are the same ones we see as it comes to a close...not much has changed in them.  We didn't get much back story, and we don't see any big epiphany moments.  Save for the young 'rookie' on the crew.  That's where the character development happened for this film.  I feel like it was he and he alone that changed through the movie.

     Still....going into it, knowing it was a true story...I felt like it was generally well done, and made up a little bit for the two previous fiascos I wasted my time with.  It wasn't an original story...but it was told well.

     My faith was restored, however, by the most unlikely of movies.  I know I was more than surprised...pleasantly...by my own reaction to the next movie I saw.  It was exactly what I needed.  A NEW way to tell an old story.  Well written, with amazing character development.  And of course, the cinematography was gorgeous.

     I watched...and was enthralled...as I found myself rooting for one of the most infamous villains in fairy tale history.  I wasn't cheering for the prince...I was wholeheartedly cheering for Maleficent!

     We all know the story.  Upon her birth, the young Princess Aurora, AKA Sleeping Beauty, was bestowed with gifts by fairies.  Enter Maleficent...the evil sorceress who was jealous that she wasn't invited to the party.  She curses Aurora....the curse takes effect....Aurora is saved by Prince Phillip, after a battle with Maleficent.  They all live happily ever after.

    But....is that how it all really happened?

Pure evil personified.  But did we ever think about WHY she was that way?

     Maleficent takes a look at that classic tale of Sleeping Beauty from the perspective of the villain.  I loved the concept.  I loved the development.  How did Maleficent become such a horrible, cold, and evil person that she would curse a BABY?  And...if the story isn't quite how we know it...what is the true ending?

     Disney nailed it on this one.  They hit all the points.  Character development, story telling, creativity, and cinematography.  For a self proclaimed sci-fi and action movie junkie...I was shocked that I liked it so much.  But what Maleficent did...what they did right....was simply tell a really good story.  Again...it wasn't anything new.  We know that story.  But the way they told it...was simply amazing.

Everyone has a story....even the most despicable of Villains.

     Movies are meant to entertain.  They are an escape.  Movies bring families together for a couple hours, or get friends out of the house for an evening.  Perhaps Hollywood needs to remember that it's not the special effects, or the surprise endings, or the shock factor that brings us to the movies.  All they need to do, is tell a good story.

     All the special effects, all the twist endings, all the crazy characters are lost...if the story is just not told very well.  It's a shame that such talented actors can give such strong performances that, due to a poorly written script, are over shadowed by lack of plot or poor story telling.

     In a world of Hollywood thrillers and blockbusters, edge of your seat action and strange characters, all I have to say is...Thank God for Disney Villains.

Sarge,
Out

Karma's a Bitch, Bitch.

     We've all had the conversation at some point. You are about to meet a friend of a friend. Maybe it's time to meet your new girlfriend's friends. Maybe it's the guy in the office that everyone knows but no one really likes.  No matter who it is...you know it's going to be an interesting conversation when it starts with, "I have to warn you about so and so...."  And then ends with the phrase, "But that's just how he/she is."

     I know a guy who, for all intents and purposes, has the functional capacity of a flat tire. He's not that bright....and definitely not to be trusted with any task that needs to be done correctly. He can't feed himself...or I should say he won't feed himself. He's married, and his wife has allowed this behavior for the entirety of their marriage.  He is also from another country, and uses his foreign-ness as an excuse much of the time.  Forget the fact that he's lived in the U.S. longer than I've been alive.  And when I ask why no one says anything to him about not being able to make himself lunch when he gets hungry, or complaining about all the foreigners where he lives, I'm told...."That's just how he is."

     There's a woman, in her late 60's, who is cynical, negative, and treats her husband like he has the functional capacity of a flat tire.  She ridicules him in public.  She is negative at every opportunity.  And she makes rather offensive generalizations, often about things she really has little real knowledge of. She has been around long enough to know better than to talk like that, or to treat people like crap and expect anything better in return. But she doesn't. And once again, when I ask why no one says anything to this person about how she talks to and about people, I'm told..."She doesn't mean anything by it.  That's just how she is."

     These people exist.  These people are out there.  And we are just letting them get away with being assholes because "that's just how they are"....?  It makes no sense.

     Then there's the friend who just "tells it how it is."  You know the one...they're the type that describes themselves as a straight shooter, or no nonsense, or as one who "calls it how they see it." They don't have a good thing to say about anyone. It's the friend who only seems content when there's drama happening around them. Frankly, I'm tired of people justifying their rude or nasty behavior or comments by saying, "I'm just a realist."

     No.
     You, Sir, are an asshole.

     There's so much negativity out there.  It's all around us.  It just floats in the air...in the universe.  And for whatever reason, we have gotten to the point where we just accept it.  It's OK for us to just let people "be that way."  And I, for one, am not sure why.  I like to think of myself as an eternal optimist.  I like to assume the best in people...sometimes to a fault.  I don't like to be negative ALL the time.  Don't get me wrong....I wouldn't say I'm all rainbows and unicorns all the time, either.  Trust me when I say I have my fair share of negativity.  I like to think I handle it well, though.  It's focused...aimed in the proper direction, if you will.  I'm negative to those who....deserve it.

    That said, I like to try to put the positive out there rather than the negative.  There's enough in this world trying to bring us down, I don't need to actively contribute to that.  Some call it the "Golden Rule," some call it Karma.  I just call it being decent human being.

     For those that fall into the Karma camp...and believe that what goes around comes around...that there is some higher power or force that is playing universal 'tit for tat'....remember, this shouldn't be used as an excuse either. Much like allowing someone to be a jerk just because 'that's how they are'... to revel or delight in another person's pain, and cheering on "Karma" for "giving them what they deserve" is just another way of being an asshole and justifying it with a cliched excuse.

     IF you believe in Karma...why would you put such negativity into the universe?

     "But, Sarge...I'm not putting negativity out there.  I'm just saying that they got what they deserved."

     Check it out, brain trust.  Karma, if you believe in that sort of thing...is ALWAYS watching.  To a universal power that controls when good or bad things happen to people, there is no rest.  Whatever bad thing that happened to that person that has you so delighted...was that person's Karma.  It was theirs to deal with for whatever bad ju ju they put out there.  What makes you think Karma is going to overlook the fact that you are just being a heartless person and finding pleasure in someone else's pain?  Nope...that's negativity...and if you buy into it, you'll have yours coming soon enough.

     Instead, how about you have an inkling of compassion in your heart and feel bad that something bad happened to another human being?  Did they deserve it?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who are you or I to say?

     I don't know if I buy into the whole Karma thing....especially when people only throw the phrase around when they are glad something bad happened to someone else.  What I DO believe in...is being a good person.  The Golden Rule isn't just an old adage...it's a real way to live!  Kindness begets kindness. We each CHOOSE how react to those in our lives...regardless of how they treat us or what they do to us.

     That friend who thrives on having drama around her...that woman who treats her husband like a lesser human in public....that man who won't function on his own...they all have chosen to live the way they do.  And if they have negativity in their lives, it's because they choose to have it there.  They respond to negativity with more negativity.  I can't change them. I can't make them be better people.  I can only be the best person I know how to be.  That's MY Karma...that's my attempt to bring good things to a negative world.

     I just think it's time to stop the excuses.  It's time to hold people accountable for the things they say.  It's not OK to 'just be that way.'  By letting people 'just be that way', we are just as guilty as saying the words ourselves.  It's OK to tell them they need to reel it in, or that it's not alright to 'just tell it like it is.'  Not at the expense of other people.  If you have to caveat the comment you are about to make with the phrase "No offense, but..."  It's probably better to just keep your mouth shut....because it's probably going to be offensive.

      And if you DO believe in Karma...perhaps the next time you hear someone say something unacceptable because they "tell it how it is"...think about how Karma feels about you allowing that.  The next time you get joy from someone else's pain because you think Karma came back around on them...remember that it's watching you too.   And while you are happy that something bad happened to someone else...just remember...

     Karma's a bitch, bitch.

 Sarge,
 Out

In The Garden of Good and Evil

     It was dark, and gray...and rainy.  Normally, that's the kind of day I would love to stay in bed and not get up until I either simply could NOT sleep any longer....or I was about to pee on myself.  But not this day.  I was excited to go visit Bonaventure cemetery....also known as the Garden of Good and Evil.

     Alright, check it out.  When I decided to go to Savannah, I looked up some cool things to do.  I found a Savannah bucket list online...that's where I learned about The House of Mata Hari.  One of the other things the bucket list said to do was go to this place called Nourish and buy something called "Don't Bug Me" soap.  This was one of the stores I stopped by on the first day.  The problem was the soap smelled like a citronella candle.  Not a fan.  So I opted not to buy it.

     I should have bought the soap.

     After a short drive to Bonaventure cemetery, I grabbed the camera and headed past the sculpture topped gateway.  It was raining...which I thought was appropriate..and it seriously added to the creepiness factor of the whole experience.  The humidity was hovering somewhere near a thousand percent, so I was barely through the gate before I was drenched in sweat.  Still....it didn't bother me.  The intermittent rain showers cooled me off, and I was really excited to get some killer pictures.  after about five minutes of amateur photographer time...something very important occurred to me.

   I should have bought that soap.

     There's something about old cemeteries.  There's a haunting beauty that draws me in.  I see the headstones, or in the case of many of the graves at Bonaventure...the sculptures....and my mind drifts. Add in the odd beauty of the Spanish Moss hanging low, almost as if the trees themselves were mourning the passing of the residents of this beautiful garden...and it's simply mesmerizing.  I walked through the cemetery and just took in the surroundings.  The shutter on the camera clicked at least a hundred times before I made it to the end of the first walkway.  I realized two things.

     1) I will rarely see anything this beautiful again in my life.

     2) I definitely should have bought that soap. 

     I was lost in the cemetery.  Not the kind of lost that I didn't know where I was...the kind of lost where time and the rest of the world outside the gates didn't exist anymore.  It was amazing.  The sculptures were gorgeous.  The scenery was breathtaking.  After a few hours, and a few hundred pictures, it was time to leave.  The pending storm was also a big motivator.  So I drove back into Savannah's historic district and headed toward the river walk.

    

     I have....mixed feelings....about the river walk.

     The river walk is a long row of old cotton warehouses along the river.  These buildings were used to store the cotton shipped up and down the river in the country's infancy.  The history of the walk is very cool.  The look of the buildings is interesting.  Some of the restaurants on the River Walk are really nice.  For a good burger, stop by the Boar's Head.  A good burger and a beer was much needed after the sauna that was Bonaventure.

     The thing that bugs me about the River Walk is...well....there are a couple of things.  As I mentioned, I like the buildings.  Some of the shops are interesting.  But the problem with the shops on the walk...is that they are a little too....boardwalk tourist trap...for my liking.  If there was only one, that would probably be fine.  But it felt like every other shop down there was a T-Shirt and Souvenir shop.  I think there's so much potential down there...the location is prime...and it's Savannah!  There are PLENTY of creative, weird, quirky, interesting people that could open a shop down there that doesn't sell  "I 'heart' Savannah" T-Shirts.

     The other thing...is the view.  It's a mile (maybe...I don't know...but it felt like it when I walked it end to end) of RIVER FRONT retail and commercial space.  There is a historic Pirate ship (ok...not really a pirate ship...but it looks like one, and I love pirates...so I'm calling it a pirate ship.)  Aside from that....there isn't much to look at on the river side of things.  That is...unless you're a fan of industrial cranes and construction equipment.  When it boils down to it, I prefer the squares and City Market over the River Walk.  But, maybe that's just me.

     Mother nature decided I was done with the River Walk at just about the same time as I did.  So...back in the car and back to home base.  The plan was to not have a plan and just chill for the night.  It had been a long day...I was looking forward to relaxing.

     As night fell, the temperature dropped.  It had been a few hours and my legs had recovered from the cemetery and the river.  I wanted to get out and enjoy some 'fresh air.'   One of the fun things about Savannah is that you can drink on the streets...yes...'grown up drinks.'  As long as they are in plastic cups, you can take your bender with you when you leave the bars!  Or, in our case...the home base.  So,with  a couple of cups of Sangria in hand, we headed out to Monterey Square.  

     During the walk around the city the first day, I stopped in a little cigar shop.  I smiled and said Hi to the girl working behind the counter.  Then I made it perfectly clear that I didn't smoke, but it was part of the bucket list to share a cigar and a drink with my best friend in one of the coolest places I could find. (My personal bucket list...not the one I found online.) She was very nice, and did her best not to laugh at me.  She helped me pick out two cigars and assured me that they would be good.  They were her favorites.

     So there we were...in a square in Savannah, drinking Sangria, listening to a passing ghost tour, and smoking a cigar.  The girl from the shop was right.  These were good cigars.  They were sweet, and not too....heavy, I guess would be a way to describe them.  It was a good time.  We just talked, and laughed.  It was the relaxing night I wanted.  As we snuffed out the cigars and finished the Sangria, I thought of only one thing that could have made it better...

     I should have bought that damn soap!

     The next morning was nice.  The rain had passed and the temperatures had gone down from the day before.  I was up and ready to go by 10:00 A.M, which is good, because I had to get in line for Mrs.Wilkes House restaurant for an early lunch.  Mrs. Wilkes House Dinning Room is this amazing restaurant that treats you just like family.  Seriously.  They seat you at tables of ten, and you don't eat until the table is full.  I suggest getting in line and immediately getting to know those in line with you...because you will be sitting with them at the dinning room table.  The staff treats you life family...welcoming you, asking if you want sweet tea, unsweet tea, or water, and reminding you to keep your elbows off the table and to pass the Lima beans when someone asks for them.  

     The food itself was pure comfort food.  It was delicious!!  The spread was amazing, and reminded me of growing up, and Sylvania Heights Baptist Church's fellowship lunches.  Green Beans, mashed sweet potatoes, dressing (which, I apparently have been mistakenly calling 'stuffing' all these years), pork BBQ, a beef stew that melted in your mouth, and about a dozen other items were passed around the table.  And the fried chicken...WOW.  It was absolutely amazing.  Then, for dessert, they brought out homemade banana pudding!  And...just like family....you have to clear your own plate and take it to the kitchen to be washed.  Arrive early (by 10:30)...and come hungry....because if you're anything like me, you won't walk out of Mrs. Wilkes...you will roll out!

     I decided to walk Forsythe Park.  The fountain in the park is rather well known.  You can tell because half the Savannah post cards have its picture on them.  So I wanted to take some cool fountain pictures of my own.  The park has a small cafe in the middle of it, and I went in for a coffee.  While there...two guys almost got into a fight while I was in line.  I guess some things are the same no matter where you go in the country.

     After Forsythe, I did some more sight seeing.  Jones street, in the historic district, has been voted the most beautiful street in America.  So...naturally I wanted some pictures of that too.  Again...it was a nice relaxing day.  I wanted to take it kind of easy, because I knew it was the last night in Savannah and I had a plan to make it memorable.

    On Bull St, in Savannah, there is a particular bar. This bar is home to 200 Martinis and 200 Beers.  On this night...I was there for the Martinis.  The bar is Jen's and Friends.  And the Martinis are...well, (*assume the Morpheus matrix voice) I can't TELL you about Jen's and Friends Martinis...I have to show you!  Wait...I'm a writer...I HAVE to tell you or I need to rethink this career choice.  The martinis are the ingenious combination of some of America's favorite treats...and alcohol.   The flavors range from Snickers, S'mores, and Rice crispy treats to fruit flavors, Chai, and something called a Scooby Snack.

     As soon as I entered the bar I knew I would like it.  The place was small, but well laid out.  The bar along one wall and a couple tables along the other.  The decor was cool....with a pyramid of bad ass martini glasses mounted on one wall.  I liked the fact that it wasn't too loud.  They were playing music, but it was background noise and didn't overpower the room.  The bartender was...simply put....awesome.  

 

     The bartender greeted me as I walked in and was with me in just a couple short moments after I sat at the bar.  She was fast...and good at what she did.  She handled the steady flow of patrons with ease.  It was clear she knew the regulars and what they liked to drink.  When I asked Mary Anne, the bartender, about what she liked about the job, she said, "I'm a chemist with booze and candy.  And I get to wear flip flops instead of a lab coat."

     I started with a Snickers Martini.  It was amazing.  The glass was rimmed with chocolate, caramel and nuts, and then garnished with a fun size snickers candy bar.  The drink itself was smooth and complimented the sweet flavors of the candy VERY well.  My next drink was something called a Scooby Snack.  The flavors mixed in my mouth and made me say, "ooh, eeh heh heh" (Like Scooby Doo....), and as I finished the drink it made me say, "Ruh Roh."  

     I had a great time and will definitely go back the next time I am in Savannah.  It was a great time for my last night in town.  

     Looking back, I really enjoyed the time away.  Often times when we NEED time away, we don't allow ourselves to truly relax and enjoy the break from the rest of our hectic, busy, frustrating and sometimes flat out shitty lives.  I did that.  I took in the sights around. me.  I took pictures...with the hopes that I can show you the world the way I see it.  So when you need to get away...and get out of you head...DO IT.  But really do it.  Forget whatever troubles and frustrations you got away from, because...trust...they will be there when you get back.  Enjoy the time away, whether it is at a crazy Martini bar, smoking a cigar with your best friend, traveling back in time to a 1920's speak easy...or just strolling through the Garden of Good and Evil.

Sarge, 

Out 

The Modern Caveman

     He moved into position and readied himself…mind focused, eyes sharp.  His heart beat in his chest and he slowed his breathing as he cleared his head of any and all distractions.  What happened in the next few moments meant the difference between life and death.  In just a matter of seconds, he would either prove that he was the man he claimed to be, or he would fail…and possibly lose everything he had ever worked for.

     The moment loomed before him.  As he moved, life slowed.  His entire existence hinged on this.  He leapt into action…springing forth in a swift assault.  His bare feet gripped the soft ground beneath him as he pushed his body weight forward and up.  He twisted, and jerked his arm forward, launching a hand carved spear as he exhaled.  His eyes watched, took in every detail of the next few seconds.  The flight of the spear on its trajectory…the sound of the air around him rushing past his ears as he launched himself….the sweat from his face trickling over his lip, and into his mouth…The muscles of his prey, rippling under its skin as it raced to retreat from this primal hunter.

     And as quickly as it started, it was over.  He stood over his quarry, now lying lifeless at his feet.  Removing his hand carved spear, he looks around.  He is alone with his prize.  But it’s not a thing for sport…he did not kill this animal for the sake of killing…his job was just beginning….

     She looked up as her children squealed and ran past her.  She stood, and watched them run to him.  He approached, skin dark from the sun and covered in dirt.  He dragged behind him the spoils of his hunt.  Without a word, he began to cut the carcass…butcher it and give it to his woman, his children.  His kill would keep them fed for some time…and clothed as well.  The pelt would serve to make clothes or shoes, while the bones would be used for tools or weapons.  He was the provider, the protector…he was the Caveman.

     I like to think that we’ve evolved a lot from those days…that the need to simply meet base needs is not ALL that drives us.  While we as the human race will always work to provide ourselves with the basic needs, our means of doing so have come a LONG way.  Along with such change comes a changing of roles.  Men are not just the hunters and protectors, women no longer only gather and birth children.  But while we have come a long way…I still find that I look to the Caveman at times and think, “He got some things right.”
     
     First of all, Cavemen have the word in their name…MEN.  They were men in the strictest sense of the word.  They were hunters, protectors, meat eating alpha males who provided for their tribes and kept them safe.  Failure to do so meant the death of the tribe or the family.  It was literally a matter of life and death on a daily basis.

     In a world of 'survival of the fittest', the Caveman had to be fearless...had to be violent...had to be the primal man.  His home was constantly threatened by dangerous animals, harsh environments, and other Cavemen that wanted what he had.  His life was hard and in order to survive, he had to be harder than his life.

     When it came to the family or tribe, it was his way or no way at all.  He knew how to survive and he led his tribe specifically for that purpose.  He dictated; he ruled his domain.  And...in that time, it was not only acceptable....it was necessary.

     Today, the Modern Caveman is faced with many of the same challenges of the original Caveman. He faces dangerous animals in the form of terrible drivers, cut-throat co-workers, and bosses from hell. His harsh environments are his workplace, the bar, or just a night out on the town.  And of course, other Cavemen continue to threaten to take what is his.

     And, there are aspects of the Caveman that we cling to still today.  The Modern Caveman is still a hunter.  He still has his single minded focus as he sets out on the hunt.  When the Modern Caveman sets his mind to something....he will not stop until it is his.  He will work tirelessly to attain the job he wants, or save every penny for the car of his dreams...or spend every free moment of his time to see his dreams come to fruition.

     The Modern Caveman will protect what is his.  He will spend hours washing, and waxing his car to the perfect shine.  He will defend his home, his domain...his cave...to the death, or at least install a state of the art security system.  And many times, when the Modern Caveman is threatened...he will fight back.  Alas, many of the Modern Cavemen I see are quick to anger, and sadly....perhaps too quick.

     What can cause such an evolved creature as the Modern Caveman to revert to his primal nature and be so quick to anger?  What can cause the primal Caveman to surface when he has progressed so far in so many other aspects of his life?  There are many things....but among them...one stands above them all.  It is a simple answer that is more complex than life itself.  It has started wars, crumbled nations, and pitted brother against brother for all of time.

     That reason...is Woman.

     When we think of the Caveman, and his interaction with the Cave-woman, it conjures images of a club carrying Neanderthal hitting a woman over the head and dragging her back to his cave.  While I agree that he may have lacked as certain finesse with the ladies…I will say that the Caveman’s treatment of women was rooted in the right place.  Am I saying you should go out and club the prettiest girl you see over the head and try to drag her back to your place? Hell no.  What do you think I am…a Caveman?  When I talk about his treatment of women, I’m talking more about his attitudes toward them.  The “WHY” behind how he viewed the creature that is woman.

      

     To the Caveman, the woman was a beautiful and magical creature.  She kept the home while he was out hunting.  She created life.  She raised the children.  Where the Caveman was so focused and skilled at the hunt and the protection of his woman, She had the ability to multitask…to show compassion, to be the heart of the tribe.  These were things the Caveman knew he needed but could not posses without her.  Therefore, he cherished his woman.  And he would do anything to provide for her and protect her.

      

     That’s the part he had right…the cherishing.  I think it’s something the modern Caveman doesn’t do enough.  We hunt.  We focus on the prize…the goal.  And more often than not, today’s Caveman sees the Woman as the prize itself.  In doing so…when he gets the prize…he no longer puts the effort into her.  He doesn’t cherish her as the Caveman cherished his woman.

     So what does it all mean?  It means that deep down...we all have a little Caveman still lurking inside us.  I don't see it as something to be ashamed of.  I think we should embrace the fact that we are Modern Cavemen.  Be strong...be a man.  Go get what you want....hunt it down until it is yours...and if you're lucky enough to have a woman in your life...cherish your woman.  Because let's face it....without women, we are just a bunch of Modern Cavemen.

Sarge,
Out