Does anyone know what they really want?

     Alright, check it out....

      I sat down to write this entry, based on a single article I had read that really pissed me off.  Then I made the mistake of clicking a link to another article on the same website.  Click click....page loaded....Sarge reads....open the can....worms go everywhere.  So what you are reading now is the result of getting lost in a sea of the most ridiculous bullshit I think I have ever read in my life.

     Then I thought about it.  The problem is bigger than just one thing.  There are a lot of examples of this that cover a full spectrum of issues, but all share the some similar traits.  I was going to find them...and discuss them all right here today.

     I debated not even writing this article....because, as a journalist...I believe in freedom of speech.  As a Soldier, I fought for everyone's right to be a douche in an open forum.  So, to sit here and say that people shouldn't write what they want to write...almost seems hypocritical.  But the more I read, the more justified I feel in writing this article.  Every author I read on this rag of a website that initiated this rant...and all the others that I discovered after deciding to write it... have a right to their free speech.  However...that doesn't prevent me from exercising MY freedom of speech and calling out their general douche-baggery.

     It's not often that I read something online and have a legitimate emotional reaction.  For the most part, I will check out the funny videos or pictures that awesome sites like BoredPanda.com or Buzzworthy.com will publish.  Or, I'll read a somewhat uplifting post on Upworthy.com or some other site with a cause. Usually, anything 'offensive' is only mildly so and I attribute it to poor taste or equally poor education (in life...not necessarily in school), and it doesn't bother me much.  Then there are times that the interwebs remind me exactly how much there is in this world that can cause us to lose faith in humanity.

     So, no kidding, there I was...bored at work and clicking links to entertain myself.  I was neck deep in an online entertainment rabbit hole, when I clicked the link that would change my whole mood for the rest of the day.  And...I was subsequently online for the better part of the night trying desperately to find a redeeming point for the website that I stumbled across that day...to no avail.

     The title of the article I read is "5 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos and Piercings Are Broken."  I clicked the link, thinking I was going to get a lighthearted article listing goofy or funny reasons the author....(in my assumption before reading...likely a tattooed or pierced woman)...thought the title was true.

     I couldn't have been more wrong.

     There are a few sure fire ways to piss me off in just a few short moments.  Wear your sunglasses inside.  Park in a clearly marked 'No Parking' area because you are going to 'just run in for a second.'  Say words like 'irregardless' or 'suposebly.'  (While one of those is grammatically correct...it still sounds stupid.)  Another way to ensure I'm fired up when reading something....make a broad and absolute generalization.



     The article opened with just that...stating that 'No girl has ever...' and then followed it up with another one..."There's no man on Earth who's ever...."  
    
     First of all, Jack...how the hell do you know that "No girl has ever" ANYTHING?  You are immediately and irrevocably unqualified to make that statement based on the fact that you are in possession of a penis.  And again....to assume that you know that "No man on Earth..." well, that's not only arrogant, it's laughable.

     I had to continue reading.  This guy was a staff columnist for this website...which means at least one other person thinks his writing is worth something.  So I gave it a shot.

     He goes on to basically say that girls (he never refers to them as WOMEN) who get tattoos are mutilating themselves.  Blanket statement.  Within in the first paragraph, his credibility was shot...at least with me.  He says that no man  has ever thought a woman looked better with a tattoo or piercing.  I, for one, am a man.  And I, for one, happen to find a well placed tattoo, or a little nose piercing (or other piercings....just sayin') VERY sexy on a woman.  I also know for a fact, that I'm not alone in this thinking.

     That said...I had to keep reading because this guy wasn't writing about how body art detracts or enhances beauty.  He was claiming that ALL women who have tattoos or piercings are broken...mentally and emotionally.  I wanted to see why he thought so.

     After reading the article, I realized why this guy thought this way about ALL women with tattoos and piercings....actually (upon further reading I discovered), he felt this way about ALL women in general.  That reason is simple.

     He's a misogynistic asshole.

    The site was called Return Of Kings.  The site aims to promote the return of masculinity to men in America. The following is from the Return Of Kings website...this is what their page is all about:

     Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.
     ROK aims to usher the return of the masculine man in a world where masculinity is being increasingly punished and shamed in favor of creating an androgynous and politically-correct society that allows women to assert superiority and control over men. Sadly, yesterday’s masculinity is today’s misogyny. The site intends to be a safe space on the web for those men who don’t agree with the direction that Western culture is headed. Click here to send an email to the team. (link removed)

      Women and homosexuals are discouraged from commenting here.

     Did you get that?  "Women and Homosexuals are discouraged from coming here."   After further reading on the site, it is pretty evident that these "men" don't want anyone there that will threaten their masculinity.  And what's more threatening to a big manly homophobe than to be put in your place by a gay man?!?!

    While I don't see anything wrong with being a masculine man...AT ALL...I have problems with anyone who thinks one of the ways of doing that is to belittle women.  REAL Men know how to be masculine, and manly, and still respect women and treat them as they should be treated.  REAL men aren't afraid of Homosexuals.  There's nothing to fear.  Don't worry, it's not contagious...you can't "catch their gay."
 
    I was floored by articles with titles like: "Why you shouldn't care when she cries during a break up," "The three I's of getting laid," "How to get more sex with Alpha Douchebag Club Game" (I am NOT making this up....), "How to free yourself from the need for women" (let me guess....start a super douchey misogynistic and homophobic website?), and "Genetics guarantees that Feminism will lose."

     I have no idea how men still think this way in this day and age.  I will attribute this to my Mom and Dad doing something right and raising my brother and I to value ALL people equally.  But it's there...men still think this way.  And that made me rather sad to be a man.  I felt compelled to apologize for my gender.

     Then I realized....I have nothing to be sorry for.  I don't think this way.  I need to do something about it, though...and let people know that these ass clowns are out there.  And there are probably more like them!

    I wondered how much was out there on the web.  How much crap is available for consumption by the masses thanks to the broad distribution powers of the almighty Internet?  I began looking around at other examples of people who use terms like "all people of one certain group are..."

     I was not disappointed.

     As a matter of fact, by the time I had read just a couple of articles...I felt like I had to apologize just for being a middle aged white male.  (All of those are things I can't help...by the way.)  Again...I honestly found it shocking what people think in this day and age.  We are supposed to be the most educated we have been in history...and we probably are.  But there's some logic out there that I  just can't wrap my head around.

     But it wasn't just the misogynists that had my head spinning this time.

     I knew that there are some men who still have the mindset of a Neanderthal.  They are hard to be around and I can't carry on a conversation with them to save my life.  What I found interesting, was the female counterpart to the Neanderthal.

     Enter the Feminist.

     And why wouldn't there be Feminists when women have to live in a world where misogynistic Neanderthal assholes like the one I mentioned above are out there?  One could easily see why the movement formed.  But...like any other movement...extremism in any form isn't really a great thing.

     I read an article by a self proclaimed radical Feminist...or "RadFem."  The title itself had me fired up.  I sat there in horror as I read this RadFem explain that "All PIV is rape, OK?"  (PIV, for those that don't know...is Penis In Vagina sex...intercourse.)  Basically, she explained that sex is violence toward women and just another way that men keep women submissive.   Her logic leads her to the conclusion that all sex is rape, because no woman actually wants such a violent act done to her.

    Uh....wait, what?!?!?!?! 

    At one point in the article, she says that the vagina is for giving birth only.  Maybe my male mind isn't enlightened enough to grasp this...but if the vagina is for giving birth only, and ALL penetrative sex is rape...how does the baby get there in the first place?

    I was raised to understand and respect that "No means no."  I believe it and there is NO REASON EVER that a woman should be forced to have sex if she says no.  I have never had sex with a woman if she has told me no.  I HAVE had sex before...with a real live girl, even.  But, I have never raped anyone!!

    Just to make sure I wasn't being overly defensive on this one...I ran it by a female friend, just to get her perspective.  Her response?

     "That chick is nuts."

     Good...it's not just me.

     Now it makes more sense to me why celebrities like Katy Perry are quick to say they are not Feminists...even though they believe in the equality and empowerment of women.  (Which, pretty much is Feminism in it's most dumbed down form...for slower guys like myself.)  With extreme views like the RadFem above...I wouldn't want to be associated with a movement either, even if at its core...it's right.

    But this stuff is out there.   And anyone can read it.  I have a daughter.  She's at the stage where she and her friends are discovering their personalities and figuring out who they are in this world.  I also have a son, and he and his friends are in the same boat.  I do my best to parent by example and be the person...have the values, that I want my children to carry on into their adult lives.  I pray they never stumble across crap like these social extremists....but that's unrealistic.  So....when they do, I hope I've taught them enough that they question it, or simply see it for what it is...social extremism at its worst.

     Feminism is defined as the theory of the political, economical, and social equality of the sexes and/or organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.  While I like the first part of the definition better, simply because it leaves less up for interpretation, the fact is that Feminism is a real...legit movement.   It's the social extremists that make us afraid to label ourselves Masculine or Feminist. 

     I believe wholeheartedly in the equal treatment of women....politically, economically, and socially.  I believe that women are the better half of humanity and without them....men would have destroyed the human race long ago.  But I also believe that men should be allowed to be men.  That's not to say they should be allowed to be nasty animals and write it off as 'manly'....not at all.  But don't criticize a man for wanting the fast car, or shooting the big gun, or liking his steak rare...because he's a man. 

     With RadFems and mysoginists abounding on the internet....and the seeming HATE that they spew for the opposite gender, I wonder how they can promote equality when they can't even see it?  I started off wanting to think I could be considered a Feminist, because I do believe in equality.  But after my research...I think I have decided on a new label.

     I'm a HUMANIST. 

     I want all people to be treated equally...regardless of gender, or race (that's another article....already working on it), age, religion, sexual preferance, or any other factors.   I've read what the RadFems say.  I've read what Return of Kings spews.  One movement seeks the equal treatment of women.  The other wants to promote masculinity it men.  Neither of these things are bad.  Both can be done without demeaning the other gender.  Yet when I read what these people have to say, I can't help but wonder...
   
     .....Does anyone know what they really want?

Sarge,
Out

    

Watching Other People Live Their Lives

     So I'm sitting in Starbucks. Right now, as I type this. I just came from an mixed emotional morning watching the Punk play football. He rocked it...scoring three touchdowns and leading his team to a 20-0 victory. 

     The other part was that the Ex was there.  It's been six months since we have spoken to each other or seen each other outside of a courthouse. 

     I was thrilled to see my son play.  But, Just the sight of the Ex gets me feeling some kind of way about life in general.  So...I decided after the game, to come here and have a cuppa joe.  It's my daytime equivalent of cracking open a cold one. 

I love hanging out here.  Normally it would be with my friend, Nice Guy Bobby. There has, sadly, been some distance between us lately.  So I'm at the Spot solo.  

Normally, The Nice Guy and I would sit...drink coffee...and just people watch, while finding any number of random things to discuss.  This practice became known as Shimming and Shamming.  And we were pros.  

Today, I needed to shake off the feeling that I had after spending an hour and a half with my Ex within line of sight. Funny how we retreat to the familiar when things get uncertain around us.  

     I ordered my usual and took a seat in one of the comfy leather chairs by the window. It was at that point that I decided to fall into one of my comfort zones.  

     I started watching, observing...seeing what I could see around me.   The people have been flowing in and out in a steady stream since I sat down. And I am not disappointed.  

     After about half an hour of watching, it occurred to me...I am almost shimming and shamming...all by myself.  I just need someone to talk to.  

     That's where you all come in. 

     I pulled out my trusty phone and started snapping pictures.  

     People fascinate me.  The diversity of the clientele makes for an interesting time for a guy who loves just observing.  It's even more fun for a guy who likes to write about what he observes. 

     There was the girl who had her nose to her phone the entire time she sat there.  (Says the guy eyeball deep as he types a blog post on his phone!)  it honestly made me wonder what was so interesting on her screen.  

     I observed the older patrons.  The old man waiting for his wife as she ordered.  I think he was people watching just as much as I was.  There was also the old guy by the window reading his paper.  

     I couldn't help but chuckle out loud at the guy walking in, mirrored sunglasses remaining firmly in place over his eyes (which is where they stayed the whole time...). Note...it's cloudy and rainy today.  He ordered and took at seat at the bar and proceeded to smoke his electronic vapor inhaler thingamahoochy as he continued to protect his eyes from harmful UV Rays.  People like this will henceforth be referred to as "Chads."

     I'd like to explain why there is not a picture of this Chad.  

     Chads are an epidemic that have been plaguing this nation for decades.  It all started When the first collar was popped on a polo shirt, and now continues as Chads wear their sunglasses indoors, or park directly under the NO PARKING sign because they are going to "just run in real quick."  

     I, for one, would like to see Chads put to an end.  Therefore, while the picture would have been entertaining...as you can almost SEE his ego oozing off of him...I cannot in good conscience promote or glorify such heinous creatures.  I feel I have already given too much attention to this particular Chad.  

     So...moving on....

     There are the college kids, all studying or doing homework on their laptops.  The crowd that just finished a session of yoga or Pilates or whatever the current fitness trend is, came in and ordered their skinny lates and frapes. 

     I watched them all, and for a while...I forgot my own issues and frustrations.  I got lost in the "what if's" and the "why's" of who they were or might be.  

     As odd as it may sound, it felt good to see that life was happening all around me. That things were normal...or as normal as they can be in our twisted little world.  It surprised me that I felt this way, but I decided to go with it.  

     It just re-assured me that the world is still going to be here when the dust settles.  That normal doesn't stop...sometimes is just changes.  The Spot used to be something I did with my best friend.  I learned today that while I may not hang with him as much, I can still enjoy the things I always have.  

     The "new normal" may take a little getting used to. But it's not as scary as I thought it would be. I found my comfort zone, again.  

     All it took was a few moments to breathe, and check out life around me.  It's amazing what you can find out about yourself when you're watching other people live their lives.  

Sarge,

Out

A Change of Heart and a Change of Mind

"Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room
Calling my name and I follow just to find you
I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather
And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause
I frozen time between hearses and caskets
Lost control when I panicked at the acid test

"I wanna get better

"While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love, the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars,

Hey, I wanna get better!

"I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get better"

-Bleechers, I wanna get better.

   
     One of the hardest things I have had to do recently, is to step back and really take a look at myself.
Changes needed to be made.  And, if you've ever tried it then you know for a fact, that change is one of the hardest things to do.  Especially change within one's self.

     Things in my life looked good.  Well, on the outside, at least.  I was married.  I have two kids.  I was in a great position at work doing some really cool stuff in the War on Terror.  To anyone looking at my life from the outside, things looked pretty great.  What no one could see, was how much pain I was actually in.

     Something had to change.
   

Well said, Socrates...well said.

     The problem was, like so many of us, I feared change.  I feared change to the point of inaction.  And that was my downfall.  I knew things needed to change.  I knew I couldn't go on much longer in my situation the way it was.  But fear is a powerful deterrent and it worked it's paralyzing magic on me.    

     I wanted things to be different.  I wanted things to be how I imagined they would be in my head 16 years ago when I asked her to marry me.  And despite what some people may think, I tried.  I tried damn hard to make things right...to make them as good as I thought they could be.  And, it worked, sometimes.

     They say hind sight is 20/20.  They (whoever They are) are all damn geniuses.

     If I could see things the way they were...as they happened, perhaps I wouldn't be where I am now.  Then again....using my hind sight, I see now that the success...or failure...of a relationship takes two...no matter how hard one of them is trying.

     I've mentioned in previous posts about how I've made mistakes.  I own that fact.  I am working to change that and not make the same mistakes again.   But I didn't start out that way...making mistakes, I mean.  It took a long a time to get there.

     You see, I'm a people pleaser.  I like to try to make everyone happy all the time.  The more I care about you, the more I try.  Even at the cost of my own wants, needs and happiness.  I hated to hurt anyone that I cared about.  I would find myself saying whatever people wanted to hear, just to make sure they were happy...or at least not upset with me.

     That was one of my worst mistakes.  Saying what I thought people wanted to hear, instead of telling them the hard truth that may hurt...led me down a path that I couldn't turn back from.  It became the norm to gloss over things.  Glossing over things turned to denials.  Denials turned to lies.

     Lies are never good.

     I'm not sure how, but I was such a people pleaser that when I DID try to tell her how I felt...that I wasn't happy, or that I needed things to change...I found myself apologizing.  Somehow, the conversation...about how I was feeling....about the things I needed changed or at least discussed....always turned into an argument about how that made HER feel like a bad person.  The end result...I apologized for making her upset with my feelings or concerns...and the conversation was over.

     The other thing hind sight showed me is that I...that we....fell into patterns.  Ups and downs...the roller coaster of life.  I would explain that I thought things needed changed.  Then...I would apologize for feeling that way and making her feel like a bad person.  Things would get better for a while....until she felt like they were good again...and then they would go back to how they were before the conversations.  The amount of time that things stayed good varied.  At first...it was a year or so, then it digressed until the 'we need to get better' conversation happened about once a month.

     When I say that things would get bad, I mean I would feel like I didn't matter.  I would be made to feel like I was not even wanted in my own house.  While a marriage isn't about sex...the physical side is a good barometer for how things are going.  When it was at the point that we would go MONTHS without so much as touching one another....that's a problem.  Emotionally, I was being slowly killed.

     At several points along the way, I asked for us to get help. One thing I learned from my time in Iraq...more specifically, my time AFTER Iraq...is that therapy works!  So, based on the success of my PTSD therapy after I got back...I asked for us to go to couple's counseling.

     She refused.  Every time I asked, she said no.  Eventually....that sent the message that she didn't want to try....that we weren't worth it.

     While all this was happening...my job was also beginning to weigh on me.  I was not happy there.  I was being treated poorly at work, and at home.  My stress levels were skyrocketing and my stress relief was all but nil.  I worked longer hours...often times just staying in the office even if I didn't have work to do...just so I didn't have to go home and feel unwanted there.  My hobby....writing, and being creative with my friends....also went away.  I didn't even have that to look forward to anymore.

      I felt alone.  I felt worthless.  I was spiraling downward into a dark place, and I couldn't see it.  My friends could see it.  Some of them even tried to reach out to me.  I couldn't see them.  My co workers could see it.  I was blind to their concerns as well.   I am not sure if my ex saw it...but if she did...she never said anything.  I wold say I was unhappy....all I would get was, "I know you're not happy.  I hope that it gets better."  Maybe she didn't know WHAT to say....but that wasn't it.

     I retreated within myself.  I pushed every good thing I had in my life away.  I tried to throw myself into the kids' activities.  I never missed a basketball game, or a swim practice.  But I did choose to stay at work, or away from the house longer than I had to....to avoid feeling like I didn't belong in my own home.  I didn't want my kids to see me this way.

     That's when mistakes happened.  Mistakes that hurt a lot of people and ultimately ended my marriage.  (Though...looking back...I think it ended well before we stopped living together.)

     Perspective changes things.

     It was cold.  It was hard.  Rock bottom is a desolate place.  To find one's self there is an often surprising, and sobering moment.  As I lay on my back....at the lowest point in my life...I looked up at the wreckage of what I left behind.  Every relationship I have ever had was gone...at least they would not be the same after this.  I lost everything.  I was more alone that I ever had been.  I couldn't go any lower.  I found...much to my disliking...that jail greatly changes one's perspective.

    And that's when it hit me.  It wasn't just THINGS that needed to change.

     I needed to change myself.


     I was determined to change ME.  I knew I couldn't do it alone.  If I was to be the man I needed to be for any of the friends that I may have left....for my kids....for myself, I needed help with this.

     Many, many hours of therapy have taught me a lot in the last six months.  A lot about myself.  A lot about my situation.  It's hard.  It's not easy to look at yourself and see the real you...and decide to do something about it.  But it's worth it.

     I am worth it.

     The fact that I just said that is significant.  Mostly because I didn't have any self worth six months ago.  The first thing I learned was that I had to change my mind....about myself.  I had to stop letting the way others made me feel dictate my self worth.  I also had to change the idea that my mistakes defined who I was.  YES, I made a mistake.  NO, that mistake is not who I am.

    It takes work.  but through all of this...through the mistakes, and the low points...even through the bad choices, I've had a good heart.  Yes, it was broken, and a bit cynical.  But my heart always had the best of intentions, even though my actions weren't always the best.  I needed to get past the breaks in my heart...to see that my mind needed to be changed.  My heart needed to change...so that my mindset about everything else could change as well.  And because I change heart, I am able to change my mindset...to see me for ME, not for who SHE made me FEEL like I was.

     What I am finding through all of this, however...is that a bitter, cruel heart...the one that does things out of anger...that will prevent one's mind from changing.  A heart that wants only revenge, only bad things to happen....is a very dangerous thing. Her heart is so blinded by anger and rage, that it is dictating all of her actions.  
  
     I am working to change myself...so I don't make the same mistakes again.  So that someday I can be happy and have the relationship I have dreamed of.  I know my heart is in the right place.  My heart has forgiven her for the role she played in the failure of our marriage.  That has freed my mind to change for the better as well. 
  
     I worry about her...my ex.  I know I hurt her.  I know she's angry.  And she has every right to be.  But, I worry that change won't come for her.  It's very easy for her to place all the blame on me in our situation.  She doesn't see that she needs to change as well.  And she won't put in the work in order to change.  Because a cold, hard heart....won't allow change.  That's the hardest thing to see...and without putting in the work to change....happiness will always be just out of reach.

      It took hitting rock bottom for me.  Everyone is different.  Maybe it won't take that level of pain...of darkness...for everyone.  But if you find yourself needing change...and you're willing to put in the work...start with your heart.  As desperate as things may feel....if you are willing to work for it,  you can have a change of heart....and a change of mind.

Sarge,
Out.

Karma's a Bitch, Bitch.

     We've all had the conversation at some point. You are about to meet a friend of a friend. Maybe it's time to meet your new girlfriend's friends. Maybe it's the guy in the office that everyone knows but no one really likes.  No matter who it is...you know it's going to be an interesting conversation when it starts with, "I have to warn you about so and so...."  And then ends with the phrase, "But that's just how he/she is."

     I know a guy who, for all intents and purposes, has the functional capacity of a flat tire. He's not that bright....and definitely not to be trusted with any task that needs to be done correctly. He can't feed himself...or I should say he won't feed himself. He's married, and his wife has allowed this behavior for the entirety of their marriage.  He is also from another country, and uses his foreign-ness as an excuse much of the time.  Forget the fact that he's lived in the U.S. longer than I've been alive.  And when I ask why no one says anything to him about not being able to make himself lunch when he gets hungry, or complaining about all the foreigners where he lives, I'm told...."That's just how he is."

     There's a woman, in her late 60's, who is cynical, negative, and treats her husband like he has the functional capacity of a flat tire.  She ridicules him in public.  She is negative at every opportunity.  And she makes rather offensive generalizations, often about things she really has little real knowledge of. She has been around long enough to know better than to talk like that, or to treat people like crap and expect anything better in return. But she doesn't. And once again, when I ask why no one says anything to this person about how she talks to and about people, I'm told..."She doesn't mean anything by it.  That's just how she is."

     These people exist.  These people are out there.  And we are just letting them get away with being assholes because "that's just how they are"....?  It makes no sense.

     Then there's the friend who just "tells it how it is."  You know the one...they're the type that describes themselves as a straight shooter, or no nonsense, or as one who "calls it how they see it." They don't have a good thing to say about anyone. It's the friend who only seems content when there's drama happening around them. Frankly, I'm tired of people justifying their rude or nasty behavior or comments by saying, "I'm just a realist."

     No.
     You, Sir, are an asshole.

     There's so much negativity out there.  It's all around us.  It just floats in the air...in the universe.  And for whatever reason, we have gotten to the point where we just accept it.  It's OK for us to just let people "be that way."  And I, for one, am not sure why.  I like to think of myself as an eternal optimist.  I like to assume the best in people...sometimes to a fault.  I don't like to be negative ALL the time.  Don't get me wrong....I wouldn't say I'm all rainbows and unicorns all the time, either.  Trust me when I say I have my fair share of negativity.  I like to think I handle it well, though.  It's focused...aimed in the proper direction, if you will.  I'm negative to those who....deserve it.

    That said, I like to try to put the positive out there rather than the negative.  There's enough in this world trying to bring us down, I don't need to actively contribute to that.  Some call it the "Golden Rule," some call it Karma.  I just call it being decent human being.

     For those that fall into the Karma camp...and believe that what goes around comes around...that there is some higher power or force that is playing universal 'tit for tat'....remember, this shouldn't be used as an excuse either. Much like allowing someone to be a jerk just because 'that's how they are'... to revel or delight in another person's pain, and cheering on "Karma" for "giving them what they deserve" is just another way of being an asshole and justifying it with a cliched excuse.

     IF you believe in Karma...why would you put such negativity into the universe?

     "But, Sarge...I'm not putting negativity out there.  I'm just saying that they got what they deserved."

     Check it out, brain trust.  Karma, if you believe in that sort of thing...is ALWAYS watching.  To a universal power that controls when good or bad things happen to people, there is no rest.  Whatever bad thing that happened to that person that has you so delighted...was that person's Karma.  It was theirs to deal with for whatever bad ju ju they put out there.  What makes you think Karma is going to overlook the fact that you are just being a heartless person and finding pleasure in someone else's pain?  Nope...that's negativity...and if you buy into it, you'll have yours coming soon enough.

     Instead, how about you have an inkling of compassion in your heart and feel bad that something bad happened to another human being?  Did they deserve it?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who are you or I to say?

     I don't know if I buy into the whole Karma thing....especially when people only throw the phrase around when they are glad something bad happened to someone else.  What I DO believe in...is being a good person.  The Golden Rule isn't just an old adage...it's a real way to live!  Kindness begets kindness. We each CHOOSE how react to those in our lives...regardless of how they treat us or what they do to us.

     That friend who thrives on having drama around her...that woman who treats her husband like a lesser human in public....that man who won't function on his own...they all have chosen to live the way they do.  And if they have negativity in their lives, it's because they choose to have it there.  They respond to negativity with more negativity.  I can't change them. I can't make them be better people.  I can only be the best person I know how to be.  That's MY Karma...that's my attempt to bring good things to a negative world.

     I just think it's time to stop the excuses.  It's time to hold people accountable for the things they say.  It's not OK to 'just be that way.'  By letting people 'just be that way', we are just as guilty as saying the words ourselves.  It's OK to tell them they need to reel it in, or that it's not alright to 'just tell it like it is.'  Not at the expense of other people.  If you have to caveat the comment you are about to make with the phrase "No offense, but..."  It's probably better to just keep your mouth shut....because it's probably going to be offensive.

      And if you DO believe in Karma...perhaps the next time you hear someone say something unacceptable because they "tell it how it is"...think about how Karma feels about you allowing that.  The next time you get joy from someone else's pain because you think Karma came back around on them...remember that it's watching you too.   And while you are happy that something bad happened to someone else...just remember...

     Karma's a bitch, bitch.

 Sarge,
 Out

In The Garden of Good and Evil

     It was dark, and gray...and rainy.  Normally, that's the kind of day I would love to stay in bed and not get up until I either simply could NOT sleep any longer....or I was about to pee on myself.  But not this day.  I was excited to go visit Bonaventure cemetery....also known as the Garden of Good and Evil.

     Alright, check it out.  When I decided to go to Savannah, I looked up some cool things to do.  I found a Savannah bucket list online...that's where I learned about The House of Mata Hari.  One of the other things the bucket list said to do was go to this place called Nourish and buy something called "Don't Bug Me" soap.  This was one of the stores I stopped by on the first day.  The problem was the soap smelled like a citronella candle.  Not a fan.  So I opted not to buy it.

     I should have bought the soap.

     After a short drive to Bonaventure cemetery, I grabbed the camera and headed past the sculpture topped gateway.  It was raining...which I thought was appropriate..and it seriously added to the creepiness factor of the whole experience.  The humidity was hovering somewhere near a thousand percent, so I was barely through the gate before I was drenched in sweat.  Still....it didn't bother me.  The intermittent rain showers cooled me off, and I was really excited to get some killer pictures.  after about five minutes of amateur photographer time...something very important occurred to me.

   I should have bought that soap.

     There's something about old cemeteries.  There's a haunting beauty that draws me in.  I see the headstones, or in the case of many of the graves at Bonaventure...the sculptures....and my mind drifts. Add in the odd beauty of the Spanish Moss hanging low, almost as if the trees themselves were mourning the passing of the residents of this beautiful garden...and it's simply mesmerizing.  I walked through the cemetery and just took in the surroundings.  The shutter on the camera clicked at least a hundred times before I made it to the end of the first walkway.  I realized two things.

     1) I will rarely see anything this beautiful again in my life.

     2) I definitely should have bought that soap. 

     I was lost in the cemetery.  Not the kind of lost that I didn't know where I was...the kind of lost where time and the rest of the world outside the gates didn't exist anymore.  It was amazing.  The sculptures were gorgeous.  The scenery was breathtaking.  After a few hours, and a few hundred pictures, it was time to leave.  The pending storm was also a big motivator.  So I drove back into Savannah's historic district and headed toward the river walk.

    

     I have....mixed feelings....about the river walk.

     The river walk is a long row of old cotton warehouses along the river.  These buildings were used to store the cotton shipped up and down the river in the country's infancy.  The history of the walk is very cool.  The look of the buildings is interesting.  Some of the restaurants on the River Walk are really nice.  For a good burger, stop by the Boar's Head.  A good burger and a beer was much needed after the sauna that was Bonaventure.

     The thing that bugs me about the River Walk is...well....there are a couple of things.  As I mentioned, I like the buildings.  Some of the shops are interesting.  But the problem with the shops on the walk...is that they are a little too....boardwalk tourist trap...for my liking.  If there was only one, that would probably be fine.  But it felt like every other shop down there was a T-Shirt and Souvenir shop.  I think there's so much potential down there...the location is prime...and it's Savannah!  There are PLENTY of creative, weird, quirky, interesting people that could open a shop down there that doesn't sell  "I 'heart' Savannah" T-Shirts.

     The other thing...is the view.  It's a mile (maybe...I don't know...but it felt like it when I walked it end to end) of RIVER FRONT retail and commercial space.  There is a historic Pirate ship (ok...not really a pirate ship...but it looks like one, and I love pirates...so I'm calling it a pirate ship.)  Aside from that....there isn't much to look at on the river side of things.  That is...unless you're a fan of industrial cranes and construction equipment.  When it boils down to it, I prefer the squares and City Market over the River Walk.  But, maybe that's just me.

     Mother nature decided I was done with the River Walk at just about the same time as I did.  So...back in the car and back to home base.  The plan was to not have a plan and just chill for the night.  It had been a long day...I was looking forward to relaxing.

     As night fell, the temperature dropped.  It had been a few hours and my legs had recovered from the cemetery and the river.  I wanted to get out and enjoy some 'fresh air.'   One of the fun things about Savannah is that you can drink on the streets...yes...'grown up drinks.'  As long as they are in plastic cups, you can take your bender with you when you leave the bars!  Or, in our case...the home base.  So,with  a couple of cups of Sangria in hand, we headed out to Monterey Square.  

     During the walk around the city the first day, I stopped in a little cigar shop.  I smiled and said Hi to the girl working behind the counter.  Then I made it perfectly clear that I didn't smoke, but it was part of the bucket list to share a cigar and a drink with my best friend in one of the coolest places I could find. (My personal bucket list...not the one I found online.) She was very nice, and did her best not to laugh at me.  She helped me pick out two cigars and assured me that they would be good.  They were her favorites.

     So there we were...in a square in Savannah, drinking Sangria, listening to a passing ghost tour, and smoking a cigar.  The girl from the shop was right.  These were good cigars.  They were sweet, and not too....heavy, I guess would be a way to describe them.  It was a good time.  We just talked, and laughed.  It was the relaxing night I wanted.  As we snuffed out the cigars and finished the Sangria, I thought of only one thing that could have made it better...

     I should have bought that damn soap!

     The next morning was nice.  The rain had passed and the temperatures had gone down from the day before.  I was up and ready to go by 10:00 A.M, which is good, because I had to get in line for Mrs.Wilkes House restaurant for an early lunch.  Mrs. Wilkes House Dinning Room is this amazing restaurant that treats you just like family.  Seriously.  They seat you at tables of ten, and you don't eat until the table is full.  I suggest getting in line and immediately getting to know those in line with you...because you will be sitting with them at the dinning room table.  The staff treats you life family...welcoming you, asking if you want sweet tea, unsweet tea, or water, and reminding you to keep your elbows off the table and to pass the Lima beans when someone asks for them.  

     The food itself was pure comfort food.  It was delicious!!  The spread was amazing, and reminded me of growing up, and Sylvania Heights Baptist Church's fellowship lunches.  Green Beans, mashed sweet potatoes, dressing (which, I apparently have been mistakenly calling 'stuffing' all these years), pork BBQ, a beef stew that melted in your mouth, and about a dozen other items were passed around the table.  And the fried chicken...WOW.  It was absolutely amazing.  Then, for dessert, they brought out homemade banana pudding!  And...just like family....you have to clear your own plate and take it to the kitchen to be washed.  Arrive early (by 10:30)...and come hungry....because if you're anything like me, you won't walk out of Mrs. Wilkes...you will roll out!

     I decided to walk Forsythe Park.  The fountain in the park is rather well known.  You can tell because half the Savannah post cards have its picture on them.  So I wanted to take some cool fountain pictures of my own.  The park has a small cafe in the middle of it, and I went in for a coffee.  While there...two guys almost got into a fight while I was in line.  I guess some things are the same no matter where you go in the country.

     After Forsythe, I did some more sight seeing.  Jones street, in the historic district, has been voted the most beautiful street in America.  So...naturally I wanted some pictures of that too.  Again...it was a nice relaxing day.  I wanted to take it kind of easy, because I knew it was the last night in Savannah and I had a plan to make it memorable.

    On Bull St, in Savannah, there is a particular bar. This bar is home to 200 Martinis and 200 Beers.  On this night...I was there for the Martinis.  The bar is Jen's and Friends.  And the Martinis are...well, (*assume the Morpheus matrix voice) I can't TELL you about Jen's and Friends Martinis...I have to show you!  Wait...I'm a writer...I HAVE to tell you or I need to rethink this career choice.  The martinis are the ingenious combination of some of America's favorite treats...and alcohol.   The flavors range from Snickers, S'mores, and Rice crispy treats to fruit flavors, Chai, and something called a Scooby Snack.

     As soon as I entered the bar I knew I would like it.  The place was small, but well laid out.  The bar along one wall and a couple tables along the other.  The decor was cool....with a pyramid of bad ass martini glasses mounted on one wall.  I liked the fact that it wasn't too loud.  They were playing music, but it was background noise and didn't overpower the room.  The bartender was...simply put....awesome.  

 

     The bartender greeted me as I walked in and was with me in just a couple short moments after I sat at the bar.  She was fast...and good at what she did.  She handled the steady flow of patrons with ease.  It was clear she knew the regulars and what they liked to drink.  When I asked Mary Anne, the bartender, about what she liked about the job, she said, "I'm a chemist with booze and candy.  And I get to wear flip flops instead of a lab coat."

     I started with a Snickers Martini.  It was amazing.  The glass was rimmed with chocolate, caramel and nuts, and then garnished with a fun size snickers candy bar.  The drink itself was smooth and complimented the sweet flavors of the candy VERY well.  My next drink was something called a Scooby Snack.  The flavors mixed in my mouth and made me say, "ooh, eeh heh heh" (Like Scooby Doo....), and as I finished the drink it made me say, "Ruh Roh."  

     I had a great time and will definitely go back the next time I am in Savannah.  It was a great time for my last night in town.  

     Looking back, I really enjoyed the time away.  Often times when we NEED time away, we don't allow ourselves to truly relax and enjoy the break from the rest of our hectic, busy, frustrating and sometimes flat out shitty lives.  I did that.  I took in the sights around. me.  I took pictures...with the hopes that I can show you the world the way I see it.  So when you need to get away...and get out of you head...DO IT.  But really do it.  Forget whatever troubles and frustrations you got away from, because...trust...they will be there when you get back.  Enjoy the time away, whether it is at a crazy Martini bar, smoking a cigar with your best friend, traveling back in time to a 1920's speak easy...or just strolling through the Garden of Good and Evil.

Sarge, 

Out 

Getting My Head Right

      Savannah is one of my favorite places in the country.  I love cities with personality...and by personality, I mean I love weird and quirky places...and Savannah has more "personality" than just about any other city I've visited.  So, after a night relaxing and having fun at The House of Mata Hari, I slept in a bit later than I usually do. It was nice.  Sunday in Savannah is very quiet.  I'm not used to that...but, it was a much needed change...that's for sure.  Oversleeping aside...once I was up, it was time to get started.  And first things first....I needed coffee.  The home base was nice.  We rented a small condo on West Gordon Street, just off Chatham Square in the historic district.  One of the nicest things about Savannah is that you can walk pretty much anywhere you want to go.  So being located between one of the historic squares and Forsythe Park was a really nice bonus.

     A short walk only a few blocks over and we found Gallery Espresso, one of the best coffee shops I have ever tried.  We ordered a cup of Joe and a breakfast sandwich each.  My white chocolate mocha was just sweet enough.  And, the bacon, egg, and cheese croissant was not only delicious, it was more than enough to fill me up for all the walking that was ahead of me.

     As we walked toward the river, we stopped in several of the shops along the way.   I would say about half the time we stopped, it was mostly just to get out of the heat.  Ok, well....it wasn't really THAT hot.  I used to think that the term "it's not the heat...it's the humidity" was just crap.  Let me tell you....Georgia in August....is nothing but humidity.  So....while we waded through humidity to all the shops....mostly to get out of the heat AND humidity....they were all really nice and some of them had some very cool things inside.  One shop in particular carried a line of greeting cards that had me dying!

     Eventually, the Gallery Espresso breakfast wore off and it was time for lunch.  We found ourselves near the City Market.  City Market is the commercial and social center of Savannah.  It's is a great area for shopping, art, entertainment...and of course...eating.  (Not mention people watching...but, if I'm being honest....that's just about anywhere in Savannah.)

     We decided that pizza was on the menu, and  headed in to Vinnie Van Go Go's.  It's a great little joint on the corner with some of the best pizza I've had.  If you like thin, New York style pizza bursting with flavor and a thin crispy crust, Vinnie Van Go Go's is a perfect lunch stop.  They also deliver to the downtown area by bike at no extra cost.

     After lunch, we checked out the galleries and art studios.  This is one of my favorite parts of City Market.  There are two buildings...one on each side of the Market...that house various galleries and studio spaces for many very talented artists.  It was Sunday, so most of the studio spaces were locked up and we weren't able to go into them to see the artwork up close.  But we were able to see the paintings and sculptures from just outside.

     I have found that sometimes, people come into our lives....even if for the briefest of moments....for a very specific reason.  I met just such a person as I walked to the end of the hall on the second floor of the galleries in City Market.  The door to the small studio was open, and the artisan inside was working his craft diligently, and with much care.  As I entered, "King David" looked up and smiled.

     "Come on in," he welcomed.  "Have a look around.  Take your time."

     I did.  His work was interesting.  Different than things I had seen in the other studios.  He hand crafted jewelry out of silverware.  Yeah....forks and spoons.  It was beautiful...interesting...and like I said, different.  I looked around the studio, and saw a picture above the door.  It was him...the artist...only, a younger version of the man sitting before me with silver wire and a pliers in his hands.  I asked about his work and how he came to be called "King David."

 
     He explained that he spent years going to trade shows buying and selling...but not creating.  Then, he tried his hand at it.  He was good....and discovered a passion for it.  He spoke of the man who taught him how to make jewelry.  He said that after some time, he was making jewelry and selling it on his own, even teaching others to make jewelry.  One day, at a show, he saw a man standing off to the side, just watching his table.  He was dressed head to toe in traditional African dress.  As he approached David's table...the artist became a bit cautious...unsure of the attention he was receiving.  As the strangely dressed man drew closer...he stopped.  And, to David's surprise...he bowed low...as if presenting himself to royalty.  As he rose again, David suddenly recognized him.  It was his teacher...the man who taught him how to create jewelry.  He told David that he was respected throughout the art community and had risen to a sort of royalty status.  It was then that he took the name "King David."

     I was very interested in the story of an artist that was living his passion.  This man loved what he did and was proud of his work.  This was evident in the pictures he kept on the wall.  All of his customers were there...smiling at the work and artistry that he provided to them.  And while he was very good at what he did, and his story was rather inspirational...it was the next story that he told me that stuck with me the most.

     He told me about his grandson.  A story about his grandson's work in school and how he was slacking in his grades.  He said the he and his wife told the boy that he had to straighten up.  They basically gave the typical grandparent lecture about doing well in school.  But it's the phrase he used that stuck with me.  King David said that he told his grandson, "You gotta get your mind right."  He said that once you get your mind right, everything else will fall into place...and you will achieve all that you are supposed to....you will be what you are meant to be.

     That phrase remains with me still....'Get your mind right.'

     I left King David's studio and continued walking through the City Market.  Another of the studios that was open that day was A.T. Hun.  I met the owner and talked with him for a bit.  This studio was fun and interesting.  Eight artists shared the space, all with a contemporary feel to their work.  Bright colors and bold images filled the studio.  Subjects ranged from colorful oil paintings of animals in rainbow hues to dramatic nudes painted across old aircraft sheet metal.

     It was getting late in the afternoon and we decided to head back to home base and get ready for dinner.  After a short time to cool off and clean up a bit, we decided to walk toward the river walk again and just  pick a restaurant as we went.  Our choice was The Public Kitchen and Bar.  It is a really nice restaurant with a menu that, at first glace, was possibly a bit to fancy for my simple tastes.  But, as luck would have it, they had a burger on the menu! I ordered the blacken Bison Burger.  It was very well seasoned.  With a side of chips and Dogfish 60 Minute IPA, it was great meal after a long day of walking in the heat.  My buddy had the seasonal Risotto with grilled chicken.  The risotto itself was mix of many flavors, to include fresh apricot.  Personally....it was a bit much for me.  The chicken, however...was the best chicken I have ever tasted.  It was bold, and tender and made that whole dish worth it.

     After dinner...it was time for dessert.  We took a walk over to E. Broughton street and headed inside Leopold's for some homemade ice cream.  I had read that the Tutti Frutti was amazing.  My buddy ordered a double scoop and said that what I read was absolutely correct!  The bits of fruit and the nuts in the hand churned ice cream reminded me of ambrosia.  My choice, for the night was the caramel swirl.  Normally when I get caramel ice cream, the caramel is more like a ribbon of caramel syrup...soft and gooey.  This was NOT like that.  I bit into the ice cream and it was like Leopold's took mom's handmade caramels and stretched them throughout the ice cream!  It was amazing....and the best caramel swirl I have ever had.

     So, it was a great day.  We walked all over Savannah...took a lot of pictures...and had some good food.  I enjoyed the beauty of Savannah's historic district, and I met some really cool people.  It was exactly what I needed.  Time away...a good visit when I needed to take King David's advice....and work on getting my head right.

Sarge,
Out