Does anyone know what they really want?

     Alright, check it out....

      I sat down to write this entry, based on a single article I had read that really pissed me off.  Then I made the mistake of clicking a link to another article on the same website.  Click click....page loaded....Sarge reads....open the can....worms go everywhere.  So what you are reading now is the result of getting lost in a sea of the most ridiculous bullshit I think I have ever read in my life.

     Then I thought about it.  The problem is bigger than just one thing.  There are a lot of examples of this that cover a full spectrum of issues, but all share the some similar traits.  I was going to find them...and discuss them all right here today.

     I debated not even writing this article....because, as a journalist...I believe in freedom of speech.  As a Soldier, I fought for everyone's right to be a douche in an open forum.  So, to sit here and say that people shouldn't write what they want to write...almost seems hypocritical.  But the more I read, the more justified I feel in writing this article.  Every author I read on this rag of a website that initiated this rant...and all the others that I discovered after deciding to write it... have a right to their free speech.  However...that doesn't prevent me from exercising MY freedom of speech and calling out their general douche-baggery.

     It's not often that I read something online and have a legitimate emotional reaction.  For the most part, I will check out the funny videos or pictures that awesome sites like BoredPanda.com or Buzzworthy.com will publish.  Or, I'll read a somewhat uplifting post on Upworthy.com or some other site with a cause. Usually, anything 'offensive' is only mildly so and I attribute it to poor taste or equally poor education (in life...not necessarily in school), and it doesn't bother me much.  Then there are times that the interwebs remind me exactly how much there is in this world that can cause us to lose faith in humanity.

     So, no kidding, there I was...bored at work and clicking links to entertain myself.  I was neck deep in an online entertainment rabbit hole, when I clicked the link that would change my whole mood for the rest of the day.  And...I was subsequently online for the better part of the night trying desperately to find a redeeming point for the website that I stumbled across that day...to no avail.

     The title of the article I read is "5 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos and Piercings Are Broken."  I clicked the link, thinking I was going to get a lighthearted article listing goofy or funny reasons the author....(in my assumption before reading...likely a tattooed or pierced woman)...thought the title was true.

     I couldn't have been more wrong.

     There are a few sure fire ways to piss me off in just a few short moments.  Wear your sunglasses inside.  Park in a clearly marked 'No Parking' area because you are going to 'just run in for a second.'  Say words like 'irregardless' or 'suposebly.'  (While one of those is grammatically correct...it still sounds stupid.)  Another way to ensure I'm fired up when reading something....make a broad and absolute generalization.



     The article opened with just that...stating that 'No girl has ever...' and then followed it up with another one..."There's no man on Earth who's ever...."  
    
     First of all, Jack...how the hell do you know that "No girl has ever" ANYTHING?  You are immediately and irrevocably unqualified to make that statement based on the fact that you are in possession of a penis.  And again....to assume that you know that "No man on Earth..." well, that's not only arrogant, it's laughable.

     I had to continue reading.  This guy was a staff columnist for this website...which means at least one other person thinks his writing is worth something.  So I gave it a shot.

     He goes on to basically say that girls (he never refers to them as WOMEN) who get tattoos are mutilating themselves.  Blanket statement.  Within in the first paragraph, his credibility was shot...at least with me.  He says that no man  has ever thought a woman looked better with a tattoo or piercing.  I, for one, am a man.  And I, for one, happen to find a well placed tattoo, or a little nose piercing (or other piercings....just sayin') VERY sexy on a woman.  I also know for a fact, that I'm not alone in this thinking.

     That said...I had to keep reading because this guy wasn't writing about how body art detracts or enhances beauty.  He was claiming that ALL women who have tattoos or piercings are broken...mentally and emotionally.  I wanted to see why he thought so.

     After reading the article, I realized why this guy thought this way about ALL women with tattoos and piercings....actually (upon further reading I discovered), he felt this way about ALL women in general.  That reason is simple.

     He's a misogynistic asshole.

    The site was called Return Of Kings.  The site aims to promote the return of masculinity to men in America. The following is from the Return Of Kings website...this is what their page is all about:

     Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.
     ROK aims to usher the return of the masculine man in a world where masculinity is being increasingly punished and shamed in favor of creating an androgynous and politically-correct society that allows women to assert superiority and control over men. Sadly, yesterday’s masculinity is today’s misogyny. The site intends to be a safe space on the web for those men who don’t agree with the direction that Western culture is headed. Click here to send an email to the team. (link removed)

      Women and homosexuals are discouraged from commenting here.

     Did you get that?  "Women and Homosexuals are discouraged from coming here."   After further reading on the site, it is pretty evident that these "men" don't want anyone there that will threaten their masculinity.  And what's more threatening to a big manly homophobe than to be put in your place by a gay man?!?!

    While I don't see anything wrong with being a masculine man...AT ALL...I have problems with anyone who thinks one of the ways of doing that is to belittle women.  REAL Men know how to be masculine, and manly, and still respect women and treat them as they should be treated.  REAL men aren't afraid of Homosexuals.  There's nothing to fear.  Don't worry, it's not contagious...you can't "catch their gay."
 
    I was floored by articles with titles like: "Why you shouldn't care when she cries during a break up," "The three I's of getting laid," "How to get more sex with Alpha Douchebag Club Game" (I am NOT making this up....), "How to free yourself from the need for women" (let me guess....start a super douchey misogynistic and homophobic website?), and "Genetics guarantees that Feminism will lose."

     I have no idea how men still think this way in this day and age.  I will attribute this to my Mom and Dad doing something right and raising my brother and I to value ALL people equally.  But it's there...men still think this way.  And that made me rather sad to be a man.  I felt compelled to apologize for my gender.

     Then I realized....I have nothing to be sorry for.  I don't think this way.  I need to do something about it, though...and let people know that these ass clowns are out there.  And there are probably more like them!

    I wondered how much was out there on the web.  How much crap is available for consumption by the masses thanks to the broad distribution powers of the almighty Internet?  I began looking around at other examples of people who use terms like "all people of one certain group are..."

     I was not disappointed.

     As a matter of fact, by the time I had read just a couple of articles...I felt like I had to apologize just for being a middle aged white male.  (All of those are things I can't help...by the way.)  Again...I honestly found it shocking what people think in this day and age.  We are supposed to be the most educated we have been in history...and we probably are.  But there's some logic out there that I  just can't wrap my head around.

     But it wasn't just the misogynists that had my head spinning this time.

     I knew that there are some men who still have the mindset of a Neanderthal.  They are hard to be around and I can't carry on a conversation with them to save my life.  What I found interesting, was the female counterpart to the Neanderthal.

     Enter the Feminist.

     And why wouldn't there be Feminists when women have to live in a world where misogynistic Neanderthal assholes like the one I mentioned above are out there?  One could easily see why the movement formed.  But...like any other movement...extremism in any form isn't really a great thing.

     I read an article by a self proclaimed radical Feminist...or "RadFem."  The title itself had me fired up.  I sat there in horror as I read this RadFem explain that "All PIV is rape, OK?"  (PIV, for those that don't know...is Penis In Vagina sex...intercourse.)  Basically, she explained that sex is violence toward women and just another way that men keep women submissive.   Her logic leads her to the conclusion that all sex is rape, because no woman actually wants such a violent act done to her.

    Uh....wait, what?!?!?!?! 

    At one point in the article, she says that the vagina is for giving birth only.  Maybe my male mind isn't enlightened enough to grasp this...but if the vagina is for giving birth only, and ALL penetrative sex is rape...how does the baby get there in the first place?

    I was raised to understand and respect that "No means no."  I believe it and there is NO REASON EVER that a woman should be forced to have sex if she says no.  I have never had sex with a woman if she has told me no.  I HAVE had sex before...with a real live girl, even.  But, I have never raped anyone!!

    Just to make sure I wasn't being overly defensive on this one...I ran it by a female friend, just to get her perspective.  Her response?

     "That chick is nuts."

     Good...it's not just me.

     Now it makes more sense to me why celebrities like Katy Perry are quick to say they are not Feminists...even though they believe in the equality and empowerment of women.  (Which, pretty much is Feminism in it's most dumbed down form...for slower guys like myself.)  With extreme views like the RadFem above...I wouldn't want to be associated with a movement either, even if at its core...it's right.

    But this stuff is out there.   And anyone can read it.  I have a daughter.  She's at the stage where she and her friends are discovering their personalities and figuring out who they are in this world.  I also have a son, and he and his friends are in the same boat.  I do my best to parent by example and be the person...have the values, that I want my children to carry on into their adult lives.  I pray they never stumble across crap like these social extremists....but that's unrealistic.  So....when they do, I hope I've taught them enough that they question it, or simply see it for what it is...social extremism at its worst.

     Feminism is defined as the theory of the political, economical, and social equality of the sexes and/or organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.  While I like the first part of the definition better, simply because it leaves less up for interpretation, the fact is that Feminism is a real...legit movement.   It's the social extremists that make us afraid to label ourselves Masculine or Feminist. 

     I believe wholeheartedly in the equal treatment of women....politically, economically, and socially.  I believe that women are the better half of humanity and without them....men would have destroyed the human race long ago.  But I also believe that men should be allowed to be men.  That's not to say they should be allowed to be nasty animals and write it off as 'manly'....not at all.  But don't criticize a man for wanting the fast car, or shooting the big gun, or liking his steak rare...because he's a man. 

     With RadFems and mysoginists abounding on the internet....and the seeming HATE that they spew for the opposite gender, I wonder how they can promote equality when they can't even see it?  I started off wanting to think I could be considered a Feminist, because I do believe in equality.  But after my research...I think I have decided on a new label.

     I'm a HUMANIST. 

     I want all people to be treated equally...regardless of gender, or race (that's another article....already working on it), age, religion, sexual preferance, or any other factors.   I've read what the RadFems say.  I've read what Return of Kings spews.  One movement seeks the equal treatment of women.  The other wants to promote masculinity it men.  Neither of these things are bad.  Both can be done without demeaning the other gender.  Yet when I read what these people have to say, I can't help but wonder...
   
     .....Does anyone know what they really want?

Sarge,
Out

    

It's ok to say no

   

     As I sat at the table in the restaurant, trying to enjoy my five dollar endless pizza buffet, I did what I normally do and watched the freak show of life happening around me.  As usual, I was highly entertained and, at times, greatly disturbed.  I watched all the patrons as they tried to navigate 25 feet of all you can eat pizza bar with no clear rules to govern exactly how this should be done.  As one group of particularly obnoxious teenagers made their way from a booth....across the restaurant...to the buffet line and back, I began to think.

     As I was walking through the store, looking for some deodorant or toothpaste…or some other mundane, yet necessary item, I noticed a child walking down one of the isles.  A woman, whom I assumed belonged to said child, was not far behind him pushing a cart.  This child, maybe 5 or 6 years old…tops, would step in front of other shoppers and just stop.  He would squeeze his way in front of someone looking at an item because he wanted to see what was there.  He was barking orders down the aisle to his mom (I figured out it was his mother when he kept screaming, “Mama, I said hurry up!” or “Mama, you have to buy me ‘dis.”)  All the while, she would see him acting like this…pushing people and being generally obnoxious, and didn’t say a word to him about it.  And once again, I began to think.

     An elementary school teacher who works in a lower income school has a sign on her wall that reads “Mine’s is not a word.”  She is entrusted with educating our future.  We leave it in her hands to ensure that the next generation is capable of continuing our existence as the mightiest nation on the planet…or, at least teaching them enough that they don’t burn the place down.  Her assistant principal sees the sign and tells her she needs to remove it.  When the teacher asks why, she is told, “It is not appropriate to correct them on their DIALECT because that’s just what they hear at home.”  This one really got me thinking.

     And I came up with what it is that connects all these stories.  There was something that was bothering me about them.  Individually it was hard to see.  But, when I put them all together and look at the bigger picture, I can see clearly what it is that was just getting to me the most about all this.

     We are raising a Nation of Assholes.

     Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying we all have to walk around with smiles on our faces and give a good “How do you do?” to everyone we see.  Frankly, I think that would be worse.  No…what I mean is that we’ve failed to prepare future generations for the real world.  It’s our own fault that America is doomed to be populated…almost entirely…with assholes.

     I think the main issue comes down to parents, teachers, administrators…those of us that should be molding our children for the future…are simply so afraid of ‘ruining’ our kids, that we have forgotten how to say, “No.”  Or in the case of many teachers I know, they are not supported when they do say "No."  It’s a simple word…and one that I heard a hell of a lot growing up, and I think I turned alright…for the most part. 

     We are so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings…hurting our kids feelings…that we haven’t prepared them for the real world.  We are making them soft, whiny, self entitled pains in the ass who think the world is a nice place where you always get your way.  And they are going to suffer for it.  What do I mean?  I mean, the real world sucks.  People are not nice.  The rules aren’t always fair.  Not everyone wins all the time.  Sometimes good enough isn’t good enough.  And sometimes…just sometimes we are told “NO” and we are expected to simply deal with it.

     Whether it's because today's parents don't tell their kids "no" or school administrators won't discipline children who do something wrong even though the teachers try, there's a problem. And the biggest issue is that no one is thinking of the long term effects this has on how tomorrow's assholes interact with society.  What is being developed is a sense of entitlement, a lack of respect for any type of authority, and a false sense that they are never wrong. 

     I look at the examples I used above and I realize that there are a ton of others just like them that I haven't even heard yet.  But the story is always the same.  And the long term effects are rarely considered.  

     For example, I was talking to a friend of mine about this topic.  His wife taught middle school in an inner city public school.  She wanted to take pictures of some of the class as they did activities, so she took her camera to work.  At lunch, she left it in her desk, in the back of the bottom drawer.  When she came back from lunch, the camera was gone.  It took two weeks before they figured out a sixth grade student had taken it.  She had gone into the classroom at lunch to use the bathroom and then decided to have a look around and see what she thought looked better in her bag than where it was.   

   

     What did the administration do about this?  Nothing.  They told the teacher that they weren't going to punish the student, because she didn't think it was stealing because 'white people are rich and she could just buy a new one.'  I have just one question about this whole thing.

     ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

     OK, so we just taught this young lady that it's ok to just take what you want...there won't be any consequences for any of the terrible things you do, because you just didn't know better....and your belief in stereotypes completely justifies criminal behavior.  What do we do when this same girl is 19 or 20 years old and decides she wants some white lady's car?  What's to stop her from taking it because she figures that the white lady can just buy a new one?  It is completely mind boggling that no one thought this one even just a few years beyond this incident!

     There are countless examples of students in schools breaking the rules or committing damn near criminal acts and when the teacher tries to discipline that student...either the administration says they can't or the student's own parents tell them they don't have to listen to the teacher.  Both the administration and the parents have removed the power from the teachers "No."  The students...our future....are being taught that they don't have to listen to the rules.  Because even it they do break them, and there are consequences, they probably won't be enforced.

     So, am I saying that we are doomed to exist in a word of criminal degenerates and self serving thugs?  Not so much.  Sure, there are a couple of disturbing examples and the plausible long term effects are concerning.  But I don't think that the bulk of society is going to go for the thug life.  What I do believe is that this same behavior...this same lack of consequences or sense of accountability...can lead to young adults who are NOT ready for the real world.  

     When they are raised in an environment of no consequences, or not being told "No", they are not prepared to  hear it in the real world.  We stopped giving kids "F's" as letter grades because it may damage their self esteem.  So we changed the grades to "E's".  What happens when enough student's feelings get hurt because they got "E's" on their report card?  Are we going to change the letter again and over look the fact that failing is failing and it happens in the world?  

     We've gotten so scared of damaging our kids self esteem that we try to 'protect them' from everything!  The reality is...one day they will be out there on their own...and something is going to disappoint them.  Someone is going to tell them they aren't accepted for a job, or they didn't make a team, or they simply aren't good enough.  That's GOING to happen.   And it's going to suck.  It's going to hurt.  It will be painful.  And we won't be there to protect them from it.  The kids that I have talked about in this article, will not be prepared for it...because they aren't living in a reality based world.  They do not see rules as something that apply to them or consequences something they should fear.  They are therefore not ready for that kind of disappointment or pain. 

    Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying we should put every kid in the state penn for every little offense.  I'm not saying that we should expect kids not to make mistakes or screw up.  But I think when they do, we need to show them what to expect.  Tell them "No"...give them consequences for the things they do wrong.  Allow them to fail...but then show them how to overcome that failure.  Then it won't be such a shock when they get out in the real world and they are treated like an asshole because they acted like one.  

     I don't know.  Is there an easy answer?  Probably not.  But I know that kids...people in general...are resilient.  We bounce back.  Failure and consequences are things from which we can draw some extremely useful life lessons.  So when you are worried that you are going to break little Timmy's heart because you said he can't have ice cream when he didn't finish his dinner, just think about how telling him "No" in that moment will get him used to hearing it.  So...when he gets older and he is up for a promotion...and doesn't get it, he knows that he can get through this. Just like he survived not getting his ice cream.  Just stop and think about their life down the road...on their own...and realize that it's ok to say "No."

Sarge,

Out