Does anyone know what they really want?

     Alright, check it out....

      I sat down to write this entry, based on a single article I had read that really pissed me off.  Then I made the mistake of clicking a link to another article on the same website.  Click click....page loaded....Sarge reads....open the can....worms go everywhere.  So what you are reading now is the result of getting lost in a sea of the most ridiculous bullshit I think I have ever read in my life.

     Then I thought about it.  The problem is bigger than just one thing.  There are a lot of examples of this that cover a full spectrum of issues, but all share the some similar traits.  I was going to find them...and discuss them all right here today.

     I debated not even writing this article....because, as a journalist...I believe in freedom of speech.  As a Soldier, I fought for everyone's right to be a douche in an open forum.  So, to sit here and say that people shouldn't write what they want to write...almost seems hypocritical.  But the more I read, the more justified I feel in writing this article.  Every author I read on this rag of a website that initiated this rant...and all the others that I discovered after deciding to write it... have a right to their free speech.  However...that doesn't prevent me from exercising MY freedom of speech and calling out their general douche-baggery.

     It's not often that I read something online and have a legitimate emotional reaction.  For the most part, I will check out the funny videos or pictures that awesome sites like BoredPanda.com or Buzzworthy.com will publish.  Or, I'll read a somewhat uplifting post on Upworthy.com or some other site with a cause. Usually, anything 'offensive' is only mildly so and I attribute it to poor taste or equally poor education (in life...not necessarily in school), and it doesn't bother me much.  Then there are times that the interwebs remind me exactly how much there is in this world that can cause us to lose faith in humanity.

     So, no kidding, there I was...bored at work and clicking links to entertain myself.  I was neck deep in an online entertainment rabbit hole, when I clicked the link that would change my whole mood for the rest of the day.  And...I was subsequently online for the better part of the night trying desperately to find a redeeming point for the website that I stumbled across that day...to no avail.

     The title of the article I read is "5 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos and Piercings Are Broken."  I clicked the link, thinking I was going to get a lighthearted article listing goofy or funny reasons the author....(in my assumption before reading...likely a tattooed or pierced woman)...thought the title was true.

     I couldn't have been more wrong.

     There are a few sure fire ways to piss me off in just a few short moments.  Wear your sunglasses inside.  Park in a clearly marked 'No Parking' area because you are going to 'just run in for a second.'  Say words like 'irregardless' or 'suposebly.'  (While one of those is grammatically correct...it still sounds stupid.)  Another way to ensure I'm fired up when reading something....make a broad and absolute generalization.



     The article opened with just that...stating that 'No girl has ever...' and then followed it up with another one..."There's no man on Earth who's ever...."  
    
     First of all, Jack...how the hell do you know that "No girl has ever" ANYTHING?  You are immediately and irrevocably unqualified to make that statement based on the fact that you are in possession of a penis.  And again....to assume that you know that "No man on Earth..." well, that's not only arrogant, it's laughable.

     I had to continue reading.  This guy was a staff columnist for this website...which means at least one other person thinks his writing is worth something.  So I gave it a shot.

     He goes on to basically say that girls (he never refers to them as WOMEN) who get tattoos are mutilating themselves.  Blanket statement.  Within in the first paragraph, his credibility was shot...at least with me.  He says that no man  has ever thought a woman looked better with a tattoo or piercing.  I, for one, am a man.  And I, for one, happen to find a well placed tattoo, or a little nose piercing (or other piercings....just sayin') VERY sexy on a woman.  I also know for a fact, that I'm not alone in this thinking.

     That said...I had to keep reading because this guy wasn't writing about how body art detracts or enhances beauty.  He was claiming that ALL women who have tattoos or piercings are broken...mentally and emotionally.  I wanted to see why he thought so.

     After reading the article, I realized why this guy thought this way about ALL women with tattoos and piercings....actually (upon further reading I discovered), he felt this way about ALL women in general.  That reason is simple.

     He's a misogynistic asshole.

    The site was called Return Of Kings.  The site aims to promote the return of masculinity to men in America. The following is from the Return Of Kings website...this is what their page is all about:

     Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.
     ROK aims to usher the return of the masculine man in a world where masculinity is being increasingly punished and shamed in favor of creating an androgynous and politically-correct society that allows women to assert superiority and control over men. Sadly, yesterday’s masculinity is today’s misogyny. The site intends to be a safe space on the web for those men who don’t agree with the direction that Western culture is headed. Click here to send an email to the team. (link removed)

      Women and homosexuals are discouraged from commenting here.

     Did you get that?  "Women and Homosexuals are discouraged from coming here."   After further reading on the site, it is pretty evident that these "men" don't want anyone there that will threaten their masculinity.  And what's more threatening to a big manly homophobe than to be put in your place by a gay man?!?!

    While I don't see anything wrong with being a masculine man...AT ALL...I have problems with anyone who thinks one of the ways of doing that is to belittle women.  REAL Men know how to be masculine, and manly, and still respect women and treat them as they should be treated.  REAL men aren't afraid of Homosexuals.  There's nothing to fear.  Don't worry, it's not contagious...you can't "catch their gay."
 
    I was floored by articles with titles like: "Why you shouldn't care when she cries during a break up," "The three I's of getting laid," "How to get more sex with Alpha Douchebag Club Game" (I am NOT making this up....), "How to free yourself from the need for women" (let me guess....start a super douchey misogynistic and homophobic website?), and "Genetics guarantees that Feminism will lose."

     I have no idea how men still think this way in this day and age.  I will attribute this to my Mom and Dad doing something right and raising my brother and I to value ALL people equally.  But it's there...men still think this way.  And that made me rather sad to be a man.  I felt compelled to apologize for my gender.

     Then I realized....I have nothing to be sorry for.  I don't think this way.  I need to do something about it, though...and let people know that these ass clowns are out there.  And there are probably more like them!

    I wondered how much was out there on the web.  How much crap is available for consumption by the masses thanks to the broad distribution powers of the almighty Internet?  I began looking around at other examples of people who use terms like "all people of one certain group are..."

     I was not disappointed.

     As a matter of fact, by the time I had read just a couple of articles...I felt like I had to apologize just for being a middle aged white male.  (All of those are things I can't help...by the way.)  Again...I honestly found it shocking what people think in this day and age.  We are supposed to be the most educated we have been in history...and we probably are.  But there's some logic out there that I  just can't wrap my head around.

     But it wasn't just the misogynists that had my head spinning this time.

     I knew that there are some men who still have the mindset of a Neanderthal.  They are hard to be around and I can't carry on a conversation with them to save my life.  What I found interesting, was the female counterpart to the Neanderthal.

     Enter the Feminist.

     And why wouldn't there be Feminists when women have to live in a world where misogynistic Neanderthal assholes like the one I mentioned above are out there?  One could easily see why the movement formed.  But...like any other movement...extremism in any form isn't really a great thing.

     I read an article by a self proclaimed radical Feminist...or "RadFem."  The title itself had me fired up.  I sat there in horror as I read this RadFem explain that "All PIV is rape, OK?"  (PIV, for those that don't know...is Penis In Vagina sex...intercourse.)  Basically, she explained that sex is violence toward women and just another way that men keep women submissive.   Her logic leads her to the conclusion that all sex is rape, because no woman actually wants such a violent act done to her.

    Uh....wait, what?!?!?!?! 

    At one point in the article, she says that the vagina is for giving birth only.  Maybe my male mind isn't enlightened enough to grasp this...but if the vagina is for giving birth only, and ALL penetrative sex is rape...how does the baby get there in the first place?

    I was raised to understand and respect that "No means no."  I believe it and there is NO REASON EVER that a woman should be forced to have sex if she says no.  I have never had sex with a woman if she has told me no.  I HAVE had sex before...with a real live girl, even.  But, I have never raped anyone!!

    Just to make sure I wasn't being overly defensive on this one...I ran it by a female friend, just to get her perspective.  Her response?

     "That chick is nuts."

     Good...it's not just me.

     Now it makes more sense to me why celebrities like Katy Perry are quick to say they are not Feminists...even though they believe in the equality and empowerment of women.  (Which, pretty much is Feminism in it's most dumbed down form...for slower guys like myself.)  With extreme views like the RadFem above...I wouldn't want to be associated with a movement either, even if at its core...it's right.

    But this stuff is out there.   And anyone can read it.  I have a daughter.  She's at the stage where she and her friends are discovering their personalities and figuring out who they are in this world.  I also have a son, and he and his friends are in the same boat.  I do my best to parent by example and be the person...have the values, that I want my children to carry on into their adult lives.  I pray they never stumble across crap like these social extremists....but that's unrealistic.  So....when they do, I hope I've taught them enough that they question it, or simply see it for what it is...social extremism at its worst.

     Feminism is defined as the theory of the political, economical, and social equality of the sexes and/or organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.  While I like the first part of the definition better, simply because it leaves less up for interpretation, the fact is that Feminism is a real...legit movement.   It's the social extremists that make us afraid to label ourselves Masculine or Feminist. 

     I believe wholeheartedly in the equal treatment of women....politically, economically, and socially.  I believe that women are the better half of humanity and without them....men would have destroyed the human race long ago.  But I also believe that men should be allowed to be men.  That's not to say they should be allowed to be nasty animals and write it off as 'manly'....not at all.  But don't criticize a man for wanting the fast car, or shooting the big gun, or liking his steak rare...because he's a man. 

     With RadFems and mysoginists abounding on the internet....and the seeming HATE that they spew for the opposite gender, I wonder how they can promote equality when they can't even see it?  I started off wanting to think I could be considered a Feminist, because I do believe in equality.  But after my research...I think I have decided on a new label.

     I'm a HUMANIST. 

     I want all people to be treated equally...regardless of gender, or race (that's another article....already working on it), age, religion, sexual preferance, or any other factors.   I've read what the RadFems say.  I've read what Return of Kings spews.  One movement seeks the equal treatment of women.  The other wants to promote masculinity it men.  Neither of these things are bad.  Both can be done without demeaning the other gender.  Yet when I read what these people have to say, I can't help but wonder...
   
     .....Does anyone know what they really want?

Sarge,
Out

    

A Change of Heart and a Change of Mind

"Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room
Calling my name and I follow just to find you
I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather
And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause
I frozen time between hearses and caskets
Lost control when I panicked at the acid test

"I wanna get better

"While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love, the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars,

Hey, I wanna get better!

"I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get better"

-Bleechers, I wanna get better.

   
     One of the hardest things I have had to do recently, is to step back and really take a look at myself.
Changes needed to be made.  And, if you've ever tried it then you know for a fact, that change is one of the hardest things to do.  Especially change within one's self.

     Things in my life looked good.  Well, on the outside, at least.  I was married.  I have two kids.  I was in a great position at work doing some really cool stuff in the War on Terror.  To anyone looking at my life from the outside, things looked pretty great.  What no one could see, was how much pain I was actually in.

     Something had to change.
   

Well said, Socrates...well said.

     The problem was, like so many of us, I feared change.  I feared change to the point of inaction.  And that was my downfall.  I knew things needed to change.  I knew I couldn't go on much longer in my situation the way it was.  But fear is a powerful deterrent and it worked it's paralyzing magic on me.    

     I wanted things to be different.  I wanted things to be how I imagined they would be in my head 16 years ago when I asked her to marry me.  And despite what some people may think, I tried.  I tried damn hard to make things right...to make them as good as I thought they could be.  And, it worked, sometimes.

     They say hind sight is 20/20.  They (whoever They are) are all damn geniuses.

     If I could see things the way they were...as they happened, perhaps I wouldn't be where I am now.  Then again....using my hind sight, I see now that the success...or failure...of a relationship takes two...no matter how hard one of them is trying.

     I've mentioned in previous posts about how I've made mistakes.  I own that fact.  I am working to change that and not make the same mistakes again.   But I didn't start out that way...making mistakes, I mean.  It took a long a time to get there.

     You see, I'm a people pleaser.  I like to try to make everyone happy all the time.  The more I care about you, the more I try.  Even at the cost of my own wants, needs and happiness.  I hated to hurt anyone that I cared about.  I would find myself saying whatever people wanted to hear, just to make sure they were happy...or at least not upset with me.

     That was one of my worst mistakes.  Saying what I thought people wanted to hear, instead of telling them the hard truth that may hurt...led me down a path that I couldn't turn back from.  It became the norm to gloss over things.  Glossing over things turned to denials.  Denials turned to lies.

     Lies are never good.

     I'm not sure how, but I was such a people pleaser that when I DID try to tell her how I felt...that I wasn't happy, or that I needed things to change...I found myself apologizing.  Somehow, the conversation...about how I was feeling....about the things I needed changed or at least discussed....always turned into an argument about how that made HER feel like a bad person.  The end result...I apologized for making her upset with my feelings or concerns...and the conversation was over.

     The other thing hind sight showed me is that I...that we....fell into patterns.  Ups and downs...the roller coaster of life.  I would explain that I thought things needed changed.  Then...I would apologize for feeling that way and making her feel like a bad person.  Things would get better for a while....until she felt like they were good again...and then they would go back to how they were before the conversations.  The amount of time that things stayed good varied.  At first...it was a year or so, then it digressed until the 'we need to get better' conversation happened about once a month.

     When I say that things would get bad, I mean I would feel like I didn't matter.  I would be made to feel like I was not even wanted in my own house.  While a marriage isn't about sex...the physical side is a good barometer for how things are going.  When it was at the point that we would go MONTHS without so much as touching one another....that's a problem.  Emotionally, I was being slowly killed.

     At several points along the way, I asked for us to get help. One thing I learned from my time in Iraq...more specifically, my time AFTER Iraq...is that therapy works!  So, based on the success of my PTSD therapy after I got back...I asked for us to go to couple's counseling.

     She refused.  Every time I asked, she said no.  Eventually....that sent the message that she didn't want to try....that we weren't worth it.

     While all this was happening...my job was also beginning to weigh on me.  I was not happy there.  I was being treated poorly at work, and at home.  My stress levels were skyrocketing and my stress relief was all but nil.  I worked longer hours...often times just staying in the office even if I didn't have work to do...just so I didn't have to go home and feel unwanted there.  My hobby....writing, and being creative with my friends....also went away.  I didn't even have that to look forward to anymore.

      I felt alone.  I felt worthless.  I was spiraling downward into a dark place, and I couldn't see it.  My friends could see it.  Some of them even tried to reach out to me.  I couldn't see them.  My co workers could see it.  I was blind to their concerns as well.   I am not sure if my ex saw it...but if she did...she never said anything.  I wold say I was unhappy....all I would get was, "I know you're not happy.  I hope that it gets better."  Maybe she didn't know WHAT to say....but that wasn't it.

     I retreated within myself.  I pushed every good thing I had in my life away.  I tried to throw myself into the kids' activities.  I never missed a basketball game, or a swim practice.  But I did choose to stay at work, or away from the house longer than I had to....to avoid feeling like I didn't belong in my own home.  I didn't want my kids to see me this way.

     That's when mistakes happened.  Mistakes that hurt a lot of people and ultimately ended my marriage.  (Though...looking back...I think it ended well before we stopped living together.)

     Perspective changes things.

     It was cold.  It was hard.  Rock bottom is a desolate place.  To find one's self there is an often surprising, and sobering moment.  As I lay on my back....at the lowest point in my life...I looked up at the wreckage of what I left behind.  Every relationship I have ever had was gone...at least they would not be the same after this.  I lost everything.  I was more alone that I ever had been.  I couldn't go any lower.  I found...much to my disliking...that jail greatly changes one's perspective.

    And that's when it hit me.  It wasn't just THINGS that needed to change.

     I needed to change myself.


     I was determined to change ME.  I knew I couldn't do it alone.  If I was to be the man I needed to be for any of the friends that I may have left....for my kids....for myself, I needed help with this.

     Many, many hours of therapy have taught me a lot in the last six months.  A lot about myself.  A lot about my situation.  It's hard.  It's not easy to look at yourself and see the real you...and decide to do something about it.  But it's worth it.

     I am worth it.

     The fact that I just said that is significant.  Mostly because I didn't have any self worth six months ago.  The first thing I learned was that I had to change my mind....about myself.  I had to stop letting the way others made me feel dictate my self worth.  I also had to change the idea that my mistakes defined who I was.  YES, I made a mistake.  NO, that mistake is not who I am.

    It takes work.  but through all of this...through the mistakes, and the low points...even through the bad choices, I've had a good heart.  Yes, it was broken, and a bit cynical.  But my heart always had the best of intentions, even though my actions weren't always the best.  I needed to get past the breaks in my heart...to see that my mind needed to be changed.  My heart needed to change...so that my mindset about everything else could change as well.  And because I change heart, I am able to change my mindset...to see me for ME, not for who SHE made me FEEL like I was.

     What I am finding through all of this, however...is that a bitter, cruel heart...the one that does things out of anger...that will prevent one's mind from changing.  A heart that wants only revenge, only bad things to happen....is a very dangerous thing. Her heart is so blinded by anger and rage, that it is dictating all of her actions.  
  
     I am working to change myself...so I don't make the same mistakes again.  So that someday I can be happy and have the relationship I have dreamed of.  I know my heart is in the right place.  My heart has forgiven her for the role she played in the failure of our marriage.  That has freed my mind to change for the better as well. 
  
     I worry about her...my ex.  I know I hurt her.  I know she's angry.  And she has every right to be.  But, I worry that change won't come for her.  It's very easy for her to place all the blame on me in our situation.  She doesn't see that she needs to change as well.  And she won't put in the work in order to change.  Because a cold, hard heart....won't allow change.  That's the hardest thing to see...and without putting in the work to change....happiness will always be just out of reach.

      It took hitting rock bottom for me.  Everyone is different.  Maybe it won't take that level of pain...of darkness...for everyone.  But if you find yourself needing change...and you're willing to put in the work...start with your heart.  As desperate as things may feel....if you are willing to work for it,  you can have a change of heart....and a change of mind.

Sarge,
Out.

Karma's a Bitch, Bitch.

     We've all had the conversation at some point. You are about to meet a friend of a friend. Maybe it's time to meet your new girlfriend's friends. Maybe it's the guy in the office that everyone knows but no one really likes.  No matter who it is...you know it's going to be an interesting conversation when it starts with, "I have to warn you about so and so...."  And then ends with the phrase, "But that's just how he/she is."

     I know a guy who, for all intents and purposes, has the functional capacity of a flat tire. He's not that bright....and definitely not to be trusted with any task that needs to be done correctly. He can't feed himself...or I should say he won't feed himself. He's married, and his wife has allowed this behavior for the entirety of their marriage.  He is also from another country, and uses his foreign-ness as an excuse much of the time.  Forget the fact that he's lived in the U.S. longer than I've been alive.  And when I ask why no one says anything to him about not being able to make himself lunch when he gets hungry, or complaining about all the foreigners where he lives, I'm told...."That's just how he is."

     There's a woman, in her late 60's, who is cynical, negative, and treats her husband like he has the functional capacity of a flat tire.  She ridicules him in public.  She is negative at every opportunity.  And she makes rather offensive generalizations, often about things she really has little real knowledge of. She has been around long enough to know better than to talk like that, or to treat people like crap and expect anything better in return. But she doesn't. And once again, when I ask why no one says anything to this person about how she talks to and about people, I'm told..."She doesn't mean anything by it.  That's just how she is."

     These people exist.  These people are out there.  And we are just letting them get away with being assholes because "that's just how they are"....?  It makes no sense.

     Then there's the friend who just "tells it how it is."  You know the one...they're the type that describes themselves as a straight shooter, or no nonsense, or as one who "calls it how they see it." They don't have a good thing to say about anyone. It's the friend who only seems content when there's drama happening around them. Frankly, I'm tired of people justifying their rude or nasty behavior or comments by saying, "I'm just a realist."

     No.
     You, Sir, are an asshole.

     There's so much negativity out there.  It's all around us.  It just floats in the air...in the universe.  And for whatever reason, we have gotten to the point where we just accept it.  It's OK for us to just let people "be that way."  And I, for one, am not sure why.  I like to think of myself as an eternal optimist.  I like to assume the best in people...sometimes to a fault.  I don't like to be negative ALL the time.  Don't get me wrong....I wouldn't say I'm all rainbows and unicorns all the time, either.  Trust me when I say I have my fair share of negativity.  I like to think I handle it well, though.  It's focused...aimed in the proper direction, if you will.  I'm negative to those who....deserve it.

    That said, I like to try to put the positive out there rather than the negative.  There's enough in this world trying to bring us down, I don't need to actively contribute to that.  Some call it the "Golden Rule," some call it Karma.  I just call it being decent human being.

     For those that fall into the Karma camp...and believe that what goes around comes around...that there is some higher power or force that is playing universal 'tit for tat'....remember, this shouldn't be used as an excuse either. Much like allowing someone to be a jerk just because 'that's how they are'... to revel or delight in another person's pain, and cheering on "Karma" for "giving them what they deserve" is just another way of being an asshole and justifying it with a cliched excuse.

     IF you believe in Karma...why would you put such negativity into the universe?

     "But, Sarge...I'm not putting negativity out there.  I'm just saying that they got what they deserved."

     Check it out, brain trust.  Karma, if you believe in that sort of thing...is ALWAYS watching.  To a universal power that controls when good or bad things happen to people, there is no rest.  Whatever bad thing that happened to that person that has you so delighted...was that person's Karma.  It was theirs to deal with for whatever bad ju ju they put out there.  What makes you think Karma is going to overlook the fact that you are just being a heartless person and finding pleasure in someone else's pain?  Nope...that's negativity...and if you buy into it, you'll have yours coming soon enough.

     Instead, how about you have an inkling of compassion in your heart and feel bad that something bad happened to another human being?  Did they deserve it?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who are you or I to say?

     I don't know if I buy into the whole Karma thing....especially when people only throw the phrase around when they are glad something bad happened to someone else.  What I DO believe in...is being a good person.  The Golden Rule isn't just an old adage...it's a real way to live!  Kindness begets kindness. We each CHOOSE how react to those in our lives...regardless of how they treat us or what they do to us.

     That friend who thrives on having drama around her...that woman who treats her husband like a lesser human in public....that man who won't function on his own...they all have chosen to live the way they do.  And if they have negativity in their lives, it's because they choose to have it there.  They respond to negativity with more negativity.  I can't change them. I can't make them be better people.  I can only be the best person I know how to be.  That's MY Karma...that's my attempt to bring good things to a negative world.

     I just think it's time to stop the excuses.  It's time to hold people accountable for the things they say.  It's not OK to 'just be that way.'  By letting people 'just be that way', we are just as guilty as saying the words ourselves.  It's OK to tell them they need to reel it in, or that it's not alright to 'just tell it like it is.'  Not at the expense of other people.  If you have to caveat the comment you are about to make with the phrase "No offense, but..."  It's probably better to just keep your mouth shut....because it's probably going to be offensive.

      And if you DO believe in Karma...perhaps the next time you hear someone say something unacceptable because they "tell it how it is"...think about how Karma feels about you allowing that.  The next time you get joy from someone else's pain because you think Karma came back around on them...remember that it's watching you too.   And while you are happy that something bad happened to someone else...just remember...

     Karma's a bitch, bitch.

 Sarge,
 Out

Changing the way we see things.

     We've all seen it.  A conversation is happening...well, at least half a conversation is happening.   Someone is trying to tell someone else something that could possibly change their lives forever.  The messenger is excited, perhaps, to share an event in their lives...or maybe has some tragic news.  And the intended receiver of the message wouldn't have a clue...because they are nose deep in their phone, iPod, tablet or some other mobile computing device.  Maybe it's happened to you before.  And maybe...just maybe...you've even been guilty of it yourself.

     The truth is, we all tend to live in our own little worlds.  But the mobile technology component, that's just a small part of the problem.  Man is supposed to be a social creature.  Somehow in the history of mankind the 'social' aspect of our being has changed to the point where it's almost lost.  By definition, 'social' is:

     

so·cial

 [soh-shuhl] 

adjective

1.

pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.

2.

seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly;sociable; gregarious.

3.

of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.

4.

living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation: People are social beings.

5.

of or pertaining to human society, especially as a body divided into classes according to status: social rank.

     I think from everything I've seen in this world, MAYBE one of those definitions works for mankind these days.  There is definitely a social rank system in this world.  For the most part, those who observe it...are really making up for something else missing in their lives.  

     I know...by now, you're probably thinking...that I need to get to the point.  Fine...let's get to it, then.

     First of all, I'm going to address technology's role in the death of Social Man.

     I'm not going to lie to you.  I am, admittedly, addicted to my phone.  It is my connection to the world...to my friends and family.  It has my music on it for while I'm driving.  I can pull up Netflix and watch my favorite shows while I'm relaxing at the pool. As a matter of fact, I'm typing this blog entry on a mobile device right now.  Yeah... I am completely attached to my mobile gadgets.

    The thing is, I'm fully aware of...and acknowledge my addiction. There are others out there that are with me. That said, I try to control the addiction in situations when it's either inappropriate or unsafe.  (Granted, your definition of unsafe and mine may differ greatly!) Still, I try to control my addiction.

     Under most circumstances, I don't care one way or another if you are nose deep in your phone in public.  That's one less annoying person I have to try not to make eye contact with, and when I do....there's the awkward head nod/half smile thing....which is returned with nothing but a blank stare anyway! At which point I want to throw heavy things at their heads.

     My problem with the mobile addiction is when I'm doing 65 miles an hour on a four lane highway, and the Escalade next to me suddenly drifts over into my lane....on top of me.  After slamming my brakes and dodging a 6,000 pound stray bullet, I look at the driver with my "angry eyes."  Of course, they are too busy to notice that they almost just made a Sarge Pancake...because they are chatting away on the phone!  Yep...that urge to throw things comes real fast in that moment.

     Other times, that technology turns out to be a danger only to ourselves.  How many of us have seen Internet videos of some poor idiot walking down the street, face buried in their phone....and they fall into a fountain, or  through an open manhole in the sidewalk?  In my opinion...there aren't enough!  I could watch those things all day!  But, seriously....what's so important that you HAVE to disregard everything else in the world around you?  I mean, was that text worth taking a nose dive into a public fountain in the middle of a crowded mall?  I don't know....but I enjoyed watching it...over and over.  If you happen to live in a cave and have never seen it, go ahead....have a chuckle.  http://youtu.be/bGpVpsaItpU

     It's not only technology that dictates all of our time and attention.  There are a LOT of people out there, that just live in their own world.  I don't know how it happens...I don't know where the disconnect occurs...but there's something that happens in some people's brains that causes them to completely disregard the world around them.  They aren't actively rude.  They aren't mean by nature.  They just really don't seem to be aware that other people exist around them.  And it can be completely maddening.

     Another example...that, sadly takes place in the car, again...happened the other morning on my way to work.  I was doing my normal 75 miles an hour in the center lane of a three lane highway.  I had other cars all around me, and was just going with the flow of traffic.  That is, until I found my forward progress stalled by a slow moving BMW in front of me.  Frustrated because I couldn't go around this car with all the other vehicles around me, I waited until a break in the traffic allowed me to pass.  As I passed this slow moving BMW, I glanced over to see who was so oblivious that they didn't realize that they were literally being passed left and right.  There she was...leaned over to the center of her car, with the rear view mirror turned towards her....applying her eye liner as she drove 50 miles an hour down the highway!  I'm not talking about glancing in the mirror for a second in between moments of actually driving her car.  NO....this brilliant asset to society had both hands on her FACE, staring in the rear view!  I am still astounded by this.

     OK, so let's assume that this lapse in reality occurred because the woman in question was alone in her car.  Though I don't agree with it, I guess I can see how being isolated in one's car can make them feel like there's no one else around.  But what happens in these people's brains when they are in a a social setting and surrounded by other people, face to face...and they still can't see past their own little world?  This can be even more mind boggling than when someone is distracted by their phone.  

     Imagine, if you will, a man on vacation with his family.  They are enjoying the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios theme park in Orlando.  The kids wanted to get souvenir Wands from the wand cart...so Dad is there helping them pick their wands.  As he is holding a wand in his hand, a woman walks up.  She see the wand he is holding....and proceeds to remove it from his hands, and show it to her own kid.  Yep...true story.  I was there...because I was that Dad.  Now...let's take this a step further and explain that I am 6'6" tall and weigh a good 250 pounds.  I'm kind of hard to miss.  When I said, "Excuse me," and tried to take the wand back....she looked as if I had suddenly appeared out of no where and was trying to steal her wand.  She literally told me, "I was looking at that."  I couldn't do anything...I was completely at a loss for words.  I found myself turning...and just walking away.  

     What can you do when someone honestly didn't realize you existed in the moment they disrupted your life?  Nothing.  That's what.  Because you can't fix that in people.  We have become a completely self centered people for the most part.  It seems to me that it's all about "What's in it for me?" or "How does this effect my life?"  There's not much thought about others.  We, as a people, don't think about the effect things have on those around us.  Hell, as I've shown, we don't even NOTICE those around us half the time.

     So the question is....what do we do about it?

     I say there's not much we can do about changing others.  This is an issue we have to deal with in ourselves.  It's something that won't change until we take a moment to look at what's going on around us.

     Detach from your mobile devices for a few minutes.  Many states have bans on the use of hand held devices while driving.  Let's just put the phones down while we are behind the wheel.  If you have to have your phone active at all times....there's a plethora of tech gadgets out there that allow us to still use our phones hand free at 90 miles an hour.  When some one's trying to talk to you face to face, put the phone down.  Whatever text just came in, can wait a few minutes.  Let's put the human interaction back into being social creatures.  Texting and social media are great.   But, there's nothing like a face to face conversation to feel connected.

     Let's open our eyes and think about the person next to us from time to time.  Hold the door for the person walking into the building behind you.  Saying something as simple as 'excuse me' when you accidentally bump into the guy in front of you while waiting in line to order your burrito at Chipotle is not only the polite thing to do...it doesn't take any effort.  Think about it...if the roles were reversed, you'd probably be annoyed to say the least if they ignored that they were stepping all over you.

     I guess the Golden Rule really does apply.  But it's not just that we treat others the way we want to be treated.  Take it a step further and respond the way you'd like to be responded to.  We've lost the instinct to be kind to one another.  The words "Thank you" only take a couple seconds and no effort at all.  Yet many of us treat them as if it's a bother to say them.

     All in all, I think it only takes a little time and not much effort to step outside ourselves, and treat each other with some civility.  Take a moment to notice the people that exist around you.  Share a kind word...it may just make some one's day.  Maybe, stepping out of our own little worlds can go a long way to changing the way we see things.  

Sarge,

Out