Then the east side of the country was hit with a massive ice age. Life as we know it changed...for a few days, at least. This 'Snowzilla'....because everything needs a catchy name these days...dropped up to 35 inches of snow in some areas. Despite what seemed like days or even weeks of warning with this storm...many areas were caught unprepared. All I know is that 2 days after the first flakes started to fall, they stopped. Three days later....we had finally shoveled our way out of our parking spots and were able to venture onto the barely plowed streets. We had done it....we had survived the blizzard and live to tell the tale. The world didn't end...even though we hadn't rushed out to stock up on bread and milk.
Finally, was the most significant thing to happen to me in 2016 so far. After 20 years of service in the United States Army, I am finally taking off the uniform. I have retired. I have spent, literally, half my life in the military. I don't know what adult life is like outside of the construct of the Army. Rigid rules and regulations guiding everything in my life from what to wear everyday to what time to wake up. And now, it's all gone. Don't get me wrong...I'm not mourning the loss of any of that. I did my time and I am MORE than ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I'm nervous, and excited, and a little scared. But I'm ready for it.
One thing that many people have told me I need to do in these last few days in uniform, is to reflect on my career. And that's something I really haven't done much of lately. I've been focused on the process of getting out...retiring...and all that comes with it. (There is a MASSIVE amount of information that the Army throws at you in a rather short amount of time.) So I've been focused and not as reflective as I probably should be.
Until last night. Last night was my retirement party. After 20 years of service, I have known a LOT of people. I have led and trained countless soldiers. But in that time, only a handful have become close enough for me to call family. They were the ones that celebrated with me last night. They were the ones that mean the most to me in my career....most of them are still active duty. And it is those soldiers...not my own achievements...that I consider my legacy to the Army.
After several bottles of whiskey and rum, and too many memories to recount in this post, I found myself taking the time to reflect. 20 years is a long time. I have...I had...soldiers as recently as last month under my mentor-ship that were not even alive when I joined the Army. My career is literally a lifetime to look back on.
So, as I reflected...as we laughed, and toasted to one another...and as I choked back a few tears...I thought about the things I would tell my 19 year old self before he got on that bus to Basic Training in Ft. Benning, GA. Some of these things are universal lessons I have learned. And some of these may only make sense to one or two people. But they are all important lessons I have learned over this lifetime.
And here they are...in no particular order.
1) Call your mom first. You will have several opportunities...even in basic training. They offer phone time as rewards. Focus...do your best...and you WILL get time to call loved ones. But that time is limited, so...CALL. YOUR. MOM. FIRST.
2) At times you will find yourself surrounded by angry men all screaming different orders in your face. It is the quiet one that is circling the chaos...watching....not screaming...that should be feared the most.
3) Being afraid doesn't make you weak. It's natural to fear things. BRAVERY, is the ability to function, and succeed, in spite of your fear. You can't truly be brave if you have nothing to fear.
4) Pay attention to what earns YOUR respect. Then, be that person. The scary, quiet man observing the chaos will show you why he deserves your respect...and will earn it...much faster than the man screaming in your face demanding you respect him.
5) Keep an open couch. Your friends should always be welcome to stay in your home...even if all you have to offer is the couch.
6) Work hard...play hard. But do BOTH. Too much of either one doesn't work. Work hard...be the best there is at what you do. Whether it's standing in ceremonies for Presidents, or in a foreign country tracking bad guys...be the go to person. And, when you aren't working...enjoy your time off the best way you know how. Whether it's traveling to new city on a whim, or just hanging out with your platoon, or team....your family...at a barbecue, make your down time count.
7) Travel. Travel for work....take the deployments, the TDY's, the missions and assignments that no one else wants. You will see places you would never see otherwise. If you're stationed overseas...don't just work. Spend some of your off time getting lost in the country you are assigned! It's the best way to learn a new culture. Travel for fun. Pick a place you've never been or a place you went once that you want to explore more. Go get lost there and make new friends, memories, and maybe a new favorite coffee joint.
8) Be friendly to everyone, but be choosy with who you call friends. You will meet a lot of people in your life...you'll have to work beside them day in and day out. Being friendly will get you places. Your TRUE friends, however, are the ones who will make a difference in your life. Keep them close...and though they may not be around all the time, they will never be more than a phone call away...always. THEY are the ones that will still be there when you're at your lowest. They will prop you up when you make mistakes and fall, and they will celebrate your victories and successes.
9) Fight for your relationships. Fight hard. But don't be the only one fighting. One person cannot keep two people together. If they are worth it...you will fight for it. But never forget that YOU are worth fighting for too. And when they DO fight for you...make it worth it for THEM!
10) Be yourself. You're a nerd. You're a geek. You like things like science fiction movies and Dungeons and Dragons. Cartoons make you happy, and you think action figures are cool. Don't give up who you are to fit someone else's mold. If they don't love you for who you are, they aren't good for you. You will find someone who ignites your inner fire and passion for the arts. They will love you for your nerdiness. Don't deny that inner geek. Just ask George Lucas how it worked out for him.
11) Treasure every moment with your children. They are the greatest thing to happen to you in your whole life. There will be late, sleepless nights. There will be difficult days and tantrums about meals. There will be days you want to sell them to the circus. Then there will come a day when you would give your own life to have any one of those difficult moments back. It will be hard...but focus on them. They are your heart, and they will always be the reason you get out of bed each morning.
12) Trust is hard to earn, easy to break, and difficult to repair. Don't break people's trust in you. And when you do...because you will...do everything you can, everything you must, to repair it. You will not like the way it feels to hurt someone by breaking their trust.
13) Tell the hard truth now, instead of explaining yourself later. You will have the best of intentions. You will think you are sparing people's feelings. You will think you are making life easier by leaving out certain details, or telling "little white lies." Don't. Tell the truth now. There may be tears when you do. There may be hard discussions when you do. But it will be a hell of a lot easier than trying to explain layers upon layers of lies, half truths, and misleadings.
14) Treat the waitress well. Smile. Make eye contact. And tip well. They have a hard enough job. Be a decent sliver of their day. Besides...your future girlfriend will know what kind of person you are, by the way you treat the waitress.
15) Be the motivation you wish to instill in others. As a leader, you will have to inspire your troops to WANT to work for you. If you are passionate about what you do...and you treat them the respect they deserve as humans, but hold them to the standards you expect of yourself...they will strive for greatness.
16) Your Soldiers are your legacy. Some of them will surpass you. Some of them will do things that you wish you had done in your career. But you will not resent any of it. Their success is your legacy. YOU had an influence on them. Be proud of their accomplishments.
17) Therapy works. You will find several times in your life that you need to talk to someone. You will feel lost after your deployments...not in control of your own thoughts or emotions. Therapy works. You will find that you have spent half your life trying to be someone you are not. You will not like who you are. You will want to change and not know how. Therapy will help. Do not look at it as a weakness, or that there is something wrong with you. It will help you find yourself...and help you learn to like yourself. Therapy works.
18) Life is too short to be an asshole. You are going to find yourself in situations where the first and easiest response is to be an asshole. Life's too short for that kind of drama. A smile and a level head will get you further in life.
19) Keep your sense of humor. You're going to go through a lot of crap in your life. You are going to be in some terrible places. At some point, you will hit rock bottom and wonder how the hell you got there. You will face death, fear, danger...and worst of all, idiots. Your sense of humor will keep you sane in those times. Never loose it.
20) Cut the negativity out of your life. There are people in the world that are only happy when they have something to complain about. They will focus on the negative. They will lift themselves up by bringing others down. They create drama if there is no drama. And they have no place in your life. Be positive and people will see it. They will be drawn to it.
21) Live your dream. Just go for it. There is nothing worse than saying, "I should have..." Live a life that is worth living! Dream big...and go for it. Even if you fail, you will never say, "I should have..."
I'm sure there are a few things I've missed. But as I reflect, these are the lessons that stand out the most in my mind. It is a bittersweet moment, to close this chapter of my life. I have had an amazing career. I have stories to tell the grand-kids. I have grown into a man that I like...and it wasn't always an easy path to follow, but it was worth it.
I have the opportunity now to live that dream I have...to make myself and my life what I WANT it to be. I'm no longer tied to military regulations, and controlled by the demands of that life. I'm curious about this next step. I'm a little terrified. I'm really excited. And as David Bowie once said, "I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring."
Sarge,
Out
